Random Thoughts of a Bride

Just how much is too much is one question which we fail to answer when it comes to living upto the standards which has been set by our society. I have become sabbatical when it comes to my career and have taken a 3 months career break coz I have to plan my wedding and be with my parents with whom I have never spent enough time since I decided to leave home for my studies which was more than a decade ago. And yes, I am genuinely amazed at how well I am doing. My fiancé gets mad at me for wasting this precious time worrying about the future and insists on enjoying the little time left at this place which I have called home since my existence. Seriously I am working on it and trying to avoid panic attacks thinking of this career break and making best use of the few weeks before marriage.

So here it is….I am getting married next month to this wonderful soul who taught me more to respect and receive coz he is the most generous person I ever know. As the countdown to the D day begins there are elephants running in my stomach (oh screw the butterflies), will I be able to handle the responsibilities? I am pampered by my Daddy who uses the most beautiful  and flowery words to correct me if I am wrong so that I don’t feel offended unlike my Mom who barge on me for every slightest mistake I make coz she is damn sure that I will screw up at my in-law’s place. The prep has started, my brothers have started painting the gate and walls of our house…which is like mandatory ritual for a Meetei wedding. My relatives keep pouring into our house, my siblings and friends settled thousands of miles away have all flown in to celebrate my wedding, tea and biscuits are constantly served, everyone is excited, scared, nervous, sad, happy and feeling hell lot of emotions right now.

As for me, I am still lost and clueless as to how I am gonna deal or react. Should I be happy that I am getting married to this man who have sworn to love and protect me and with whom I wanna spend the rest of my life with? Should I be worried about my parents who are getting old with their increasing health issues? Should I be sad on the realization that this place I have called home will no longer be what it was? Its tough really. And I feel like I am breaking from inside. Does every bride feel this way?

For a society like us, life before marriage and after marriage are completely different. As an unmarried girl, I have the freedom coz I live with people with whom I have known throughout my life. I get mad and shout at them and cry when I feel hurt and laugh my heart out when we share jokes, I get up early and go for walks and sometimes can even dare to sleep in pretending to be sick in lazy days. I have got out late evenings with my Daddy sometimes even after dark and enjoyed my days doing nothing lazing away. But now somehow I cannot imagine doing all that again. I have responsibilities now to take care of my new family and respect them. It gonna be different and I wish I am not scared as much as I am right now that I am gonna ruin things.

What I truly feel is that amidst all the shopping, picking up dresses, ordering furniture and basic utilities and spending heaps of money after bargaining like crazy with experienced vendors….its a blessing that I am gonna spend the rest of my life with my favourite person who is just perfect. Both of us have waited long enough and have had our shares of heartbreaks before finding each other and now that we have found each other I realized why it never worked out with anyone else.

Marriage is a union of two souls and two families and with the grace of God I wish to embark upon this journey and bring out the best of each other. For now let me think of all the joys I will be unraveling and rejoice on the love I am showered with from my new family and just enjoy all the attention as long as it lasts (wink)

Cheers to a lifetime of love and happiness. 

Valentine's Day chants!!

Ah, here it is again, my favourite time of the year…the month of February. I never knew that they have a thing called Valentine’s week until last year with all these days…Chocolate day, Teddy day, Promise day, Hug day and oh…there’s even a Kiss day!! Its Valentine’s day today; no doubt love is in the air. Whatever they say, love will always be the HAPPENING thing. Perhaps this is the reason why inspite of all these bans on celebrating Valentine’s Day and a modest crowd going Anti-Valentine, there is a dearth of people who’s leaving no stone unturned to convey their love.

 I bet it’s the busiest time of the year for florists. I have never really sent flowers to anyone. All thanks to facebook, I learnt that there’s a Ferns and Petals store at Imphal (my hometown) and I was super-excited. I guess I inherited my craze for flowers from my Mom…she makes sure that our home has all these pretty flowers blooming and she sure has green fingers. So, I called the Ferns and Petals number from their website…oh it wasn’t working so I emailed them. They responded within hours and called me back. I ordered a bunch of roses of different colours and before I could tell for whom I was ordering, the guy at the other end of the line interrupted sweetly. He said in his most sincere tone “Mam, I am sorry to tell you this but you see as you know, here in Manipur, our society reacts a little differently when we go to deliver flowers to girls….if you know what I mean…..the fathers and brothers have all these questions…….” I stopped him immediately. “Oh, I am ordering flowers for my Mom, so its okay” I smiled and told him. I could feel him exhale out of relief. He again apologized. I totally understand his situation. I am sure the delivery guy must have had many misadventures when he goes to deliver flowers. I can hardly think of my Dad’s reactions if a cute guy comes with a bunch of flowers for me….he’d surely be cornered…big time!! The florist went on to tell that a few days ago he delivered flowers to a girl, ordered by his boyfriend from Bangalore to surprise her. The girl was beaming so happily when she took the flowers that he could not help but feel happier and contented. And this is what keeps him moving…..to spread love, to make strangers happy, or perhaps just to make someone feel special.

So to all my amazing readers, here’s what it is. Let us not stop loving. Let us not stop hoping and moving on. What really matters is that through all the embarrassments and guilt trips, through all the pain and sleepless nights and broken hearts, you can still hope that love is sure more closer to you than someone who has never loved anybody at all. Just for a moment, let us shed our ego, our pride, our arrogance and be true to our feelings. Let us bring a smile to someone who is less happy than us, someone who need more love than we do. What we all need is a little bit more love.

Perhaps this will make Valentine’s Day even more meaningful.

Happy Valentine’s Day folks!!

Food Water Love

I guess it must be an amazing feeling, fasting for the one you love. Intriguing it is, but it must be wonderful to realise that someone hasn’t taken a morsel of food nor sipped a drop of water because she is praying for your safety and prosperity. Even if it is cliché, sometimes all we need is faith rather than hard core scientific facts. I guess its the media hype and cheesy portrayal in movies which has boomed the popularity of “Karvachauth” among the youths – both married and unmarried. Its the most happening thing this season as newly married brides groom themselves up weeks ahead for this special day. And many of my single friends, who are feminists, still insist that unless their better half fast with them, why should they bother? They do have a point. May be finally when they meet that perfect guy, they will brush away such stands and join the many happy women who gladly stay hungry for the sake of their beloved. So, basically it is an occasion when married women pray for their husbands, unmarried girls secretly keep a fast for their boyfriends and singles happily fast for their prospective better halves and when the much anticipated moon appears in the horizon in the late evening, they break their fast by sipping water and eating the first morsel of food of the day which her beloved lovingly feeds. Isn't it just sweet?

All these while that I stayed in North India, this ritual has always captivated me. Isn’t it just cute to get all so hyped up and go out of the way for the one you love? Of course, I have friends who had many misadventures about the fast in the most amusing way. I have a friend whom I have known for 4 years. Every year she fasts for the prosperity of her love, but unfortunately it has been 3 different persons that she had fasted for, as it let from one failed relationship to another. Now, she has decided to wait for the worthy guy instead of blindly following the crowd.  Also, I had a friend who popped in a rasgulla coz she forgot that she was fasting. You should have seen the look on her face when she realised the blunder. She blurted out “I think I will go to hell. I just ruined my first Karva chauth I am such a disappointment. Please don’t tell Sameer about this”. I guess that will forever be our little secret.

A few years ago distance was such big concerns during such special days but nowadays all we need is a skype id or an email id for video calling. Interestingly, we do have bikes menacing near girl’s hostel and girls waiting in the terrace to have a glimpse of the one they love to complete the ritual and celebrate their love. Even if its way too overrated, it is a happy occasion when love is rekindled or perhaps another way to feel an even purer and mystical form of love. Its about sacrifice and patience and faith. It is a celebration of love and life.

Happy Karvachauth to all. Wish you lots of love and happiness. :):)

Wedding calls

*I must warn you this post is super cheesy!! :)

Well, one of my best friends called me up and told me that her wedding date is decided. I shrieked with excitement and lost count of the “Congratulations, so happy for you" and the kinds of it. I, so wanted to hug her and share the moment with her. With a deep breath, a sigh and of course, with promises to see each other on her wedding day we said goodbye. And what followed was a dreamy silence, my heart ever so mellow.

I have heard people say that “True love is like a ghost, many have heard about it but few have experienced it” and I guess I am among the ones who have heard of it or maybe, just maybe I am beginning to experience it (ahem)!! My friend, however are the lucky ones who have experienced it throughout her life. The few people who make me believe that true love does exist still, that you can love one person for your entire life, that high school sweetheart can become your life partner in real life, that love can still conquer distance, time and busy schedules. It is just so beautiful, so pure.

Every girl dreams of the perfect wedding since her childhood, ever since the times that we marry our dolls and give them away just coz they are married. It’s the truth. Every girl is worried if an untimely pimple will ruin our looks on our wedding day or if the dress will not match the make-up and every other significant detail we can think of. C’mon, its not every day that we get to be the bride!! Imagine all those people dressed up just for you, the music, the rituals, the decorations and everything else….just for you, for just a day of your life. How special is that!! Of course, we dream of the perfect wedding, the perfect place, the cards, the gifts, the guests, the food, the dress, the make –up and everything else perfect and we do realize that what is really important is the one for whom we are bounded for a lifetime, for him to understand how much all these means to us. I have never quite pictured myself there but I guess it will be overwhelming yet sad, knowing that there is this person who will stand by you for the rest of your life and bidding goodbye to a place whom you’ve called “home” throughout this years.

So with all these thoughts in mind, I wish the soon-to-be-wedded couple keep falling in love with each other over and over again while I begin my hunt for the perfect dress as I get to play the part of the bride’s friend.  <wink>

It's a LEAP year

So 2012 is a leap year and today i.e 29th Feb comes after every 4 years. May be this is one of the reason why its considered special. My geography high school teacher had explained us about leap years. I remember it has something to do with the spinning of the earth, something about revolving around the sun, 6 hours increased every year for 4 years consequently making 24 hours which is added in the month of Feb...God know why?

As for me, being a romantic fool that I am, I love February and November. I have my own reasons. February being the most romantic month and we have a special extra day after every 4 years and November coz I was born on a lucky November morning. :)

Leap year have always rung a bell for me ever since I read a story during my childhood about a young girl who confessed her love on a leap year. Isn't that just sweet? My friends laugh at me for all my weird beliefs  and crazy stunts but I find no harm in them if it means walking that extra mile just to make someone feel special.

So the whole point of a leap year is that its a day when guys can be at the receiving end and girls can confess their feelings without a doubt...of course it can be done on other days as well, but isn't it just cute that we have a special day and perhaps just another reason to fall in love again.

So shifting my  paradigm from girls to guys, I wonder how a totally macho guy feel when a sweet girl innocently confesses her love to him...or may be if she just sent him flowers with a simple note. I've always rationalized relationships from a girl's point of view but recently one of my guy friends told me that guys feel as much love, shame, hurt and pain in relationships as a girl feels. No wonder I've seen guys blinking away tears when they saw their gal going out of her way and doing her bit. I wonder how many lucky man experienced this feeling today. Its all about making someone feel special coz of you and even if today is just another day, I feel if it means making someone happy and blessed whats the big deal even if we are so hyped up over a mere change of date.

As always, I am saying it again...."Its always a great feeling to know that somebody likes you". Wish you a very HAPPY LEAP YEAR and a life filled with love and happiness :)

Falling in and out of love

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

-         Alfred Lord Tennyson

My friends call me a hard core romantic. I have grown up falling in love with Mills & Boon, fantasizing the characters, assuring myself that someday someone will fall on his knees in front of me and say those four words which every girl hopes to hear one day. I always heave a deep sigh when I see couples heads over heels in love, holding hands, doing silly, crazy and cute things all in the name of love.

I’ve never really understood love. For a girl like me falling in love is not a Herculean task. All it takes is a glance, a smile, a nice gesture and that’s it and the next moment I’m all yours; as one of my ex-boyfriend described me as “easy to please”. I’ve never really understood it but I’ve always assumed it to be a compliment. May be it’s the reason I had many misadventures and I am still unable to distinguish between love, infatuation, crush, admiration, puppy love and all synonyms of love. To me in the beginning all appear the same; all have its share of craziness followed by expectations and disappointments and the cycle goes on.

I still remember the first guy I liked at school. It was an altogether one-sided affair and just coz he stood outside the class as a punishment for not doing homework, I gladly hid my homework just to give him company. That was in my 6^th grade. Also, I can’t describe the feeling I had when that new boy came in my class……class 8A. I still remember his soft hair and his deep brown eyes and his cute dimple. And if he said “Present Sir” during attendance, I’d follow suit and when he said “Yes Sir”, I’d say the same and giggle shyly. I had my first heartbreak when I realised that he liked another girl. She was the prettiest in my class and of course the dream of every boy in school. Perhaps that was the first time I learnt to “let go” not realising that it is meant to repeat years later in different circumstances. That was the time I realised that sometimes we need to give up things we really want because they were never meant to be ours.

Moving on with my love life, I had my first date during my high school. We used to steal quick glances without saying a word, used to come early just to spend more time looking at each other and shied away when our eyes met. Perhaps he could feel that I was on an affirmative note with him, or may be his friends persuaded him to ask me out; which of course I gladly agreed.  So we went to this first date of mine with a group of friends. I can’t remember much except that we faced each other in that café without much verbal contact sipping water, coffee, another coffee, and then water when coffee was over. I liked him inspite of the growing discomfort I felt – the way he tried to make me comfortable when he was also equally nervous. It was sweet. Even if love is so hard a word to define, I still claim him to be my first love – first love that drifted away with time, with distance and growing priorities; and since then falling in and out of love has been a regular affair.

I wonder how it’s even possible to say that love happens only once in a lifetime, it’s too sad. Or it may be that it is possible only in the movies. Sometimes I wish life is like the movies with a happy ever after, or atleast if we have a hint when it comes to making decisions.  I wish I am like the leading lady, no matter what mess she had got into; there is this cute guy who brings her flowers and lends her tissues every time Cupid failed her. 

Of course, with love comes all the heartbreak, pain, jealousy, rage, shame, guilt etc. Also, I saw love fade away with time and distance and realised that two perfect persons cannot be perfect for each other. For a girl who is on the verge of break-up, there is nothing more hateful than “You deserve someone better than him”, “Just let it go”, “May be you guys aren’t meant for each other” …..trust me it’s all crap. But then there’s an end to mark a new beginning. So the whole cycle of harmless flirting, falling in and out of love continues and just as you begin believing that time heals all wounds, you realise that time indeed wounds all heals.

Its just that no matter how much a person claims, everybody secretly loves the idea of being in love and it’s always a great feeling to know that somebody likes you – I guess this is the beauty of life or perhaps the only way the world functions. It doesn’t matter if the feeling lasted only for a few days, some months, years or lucky enough to last a lifetime. What really matters is that it was real atleast for a while. Its okay if we’ve messed up a few times, it’s okay if our feelings were never reciprocated, or even if he was stupid enough to walk out of our life. It is perfectly all right if your heart was broken a few times because we still have wonderful friends to hug us and lend us a shoulder to cry on or to get drunk, get high and make fun of us for the silly things said and done while in love and certainly to give that daily dose of moral booster which we so need when a relationship ends. Its okay if you’ve never understood love just the way I am because there are many more like us waiting for a second chance or a fresh new start and who still loves the idea of being in love and surely love will find a way, indifference will find an excuse.

After all it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Happy Valentine’s Week folks!! Cheers!! :)

Love's to blame....am simply loving this song!!

Time in Time I thought through it all
How we loved and loved 
and how we fought each other
pushing one another
to be somebody else

and time in time for the rest of my thoughts
I certain if the end was right or wrong
and whether we so should be together with somebody else

a lost memory 
she had water in her eyes
she cried stay with me
say how can this be loved 
if you are leaving me
but darling love's to blame

and i can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
can't be near you right now
'cause i know you're no longer mine
I can't see you 

it makes me ache that we had to break 
even though i knew your heart so well
we're strangers in different places 
thought we're livin mile apart

my best friends got my world as being soft 
we'll never share a name of her be promed 
but i will always remember the years we've spent in love

I still think of you
I pray that you were save 
I'm still missing you 
but it has to be this weakest 
I'm not right for you
and that's why love's to blame

and i can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
can't be near you right now
'cause i know you're no longer mine
I can't see you right know
'cause my heart just can't fake it 
can't be near you rigth now 
cause I know you're no longer mine

and I can't see you
oh i can't see you
I just can't see you right now

But maybe time will heal the hearts
and maybe after time you'll understand 
I take the darker side of me 

and i can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
can't be near you right now
'cause i know you're no longer mine
and I can't see you right know
'cause my heart just can't fake it 
can't be near you rigth now 
cause I know you're no longer mine

and i can't see you 
no, i can't see you 
i just can't see you rigth now

no i can't see you 
i just can't see you 
i just can't see you right know

and love's to blame