As I blow the candle......

A page from my diary:

I turned a year older a few days ago. And as much as I wanted to keep it discreet, I should say my birthday wishes are still pouring in now. I guess as I add more numbers in my age, I have outgrown that feeling of having birthday bashes; which is perhaps the reason why I didn’t feel the need to update in facebook and which many of my online friends complained later. I wanted it simple. As I blew the candle amidst the echoing laughter and giggles of my friends in my room, I felt happy and realized that I have certainly grown older but wiser for sure. It is a pleasure to bask in the attention even if it lasted just for a day. I know it will be completely different a year later, when I move out of hostel but for now its all about friends storming in my room at midnight and singing “Happy Birthday” with a chocolate cake in hand. I am sure going to miss this one. The bestest thing is the little surprises we get and for me it was a phone call which announced that I had a bouquet waiting for me from friends who cared enough to remember my love for flowers and I smiled all through the tears as I hugged my best friend and couldn’t thank her enough for making my day special. May be that was the emotional me or the stupid me but its okay to be stupid sometimes isn’t it? I don’t have to be perfect, not anymore.

All these years have taught me profound lessons on life, family, friendship and love and made me the person that I am today. I am sure not missing out the opportunity to thank the folks who walked out of my life….You guys paved way for better things to fall in, for making me realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel, for hurting me and making me a stronger person and above all for making me have faith in love yet again. So screw you coz I have better things in store for me.... It is indeed a blessing to be surrounded by people who love me for what I am, the way I am with all my imperfections and from whom you can learn a lot about life. Thank you for making my life more beautiful. I am just beginning to understand the purpose of everything and it only makes me appreciate life better.

Love you all!! Cheers!! XOXO :D

Food Water Love

I guess it must be an amazing feeling, fasting for the one you love. Intriguing it is, but it must be wonderful to realise that someone hasn’t taken a morsel of food nor sipped a drop of water because she is praying for your safety and prosperity. Even if it is cliché, sometimes all we need is faith rather than hard core scientific facts. I guess its the media hype and cheesy portrayal in movies which has boomed the popularity of “Karvachauth” among the youths – both married and unmarried. Its the most happening thing this season as newly married brides groom themselves up weeks ahead for this special day. And many of my single friends, who are feminists, still insist that unless their better half fast with them, why should they bother? They do have a point. May be finally when they meet that perfect guy, they will brush away such stands and join the many happy women who gladly stay hungry for the sake of their beloved. So, basically it is an occasion when married women pray for their husbands, unmarried girls secretly keep a fast for their boyfriends and singles happily fast for their prospective better halves and when the much anticipated moon appears in the horizon in the late evening, they break their fast by sipping water and eating the first morsel of food of the day which her beloved lovingly feeds. Isn't it just sweet?

All these while that I stayed in North India, this ritual has always captivated me. Isn’t it just cute to get all so hyped up and go out of the way for the one you love? Of course, I have friends who had many misadventures about the fast in the most amusing way. I have a friend whom I have known for 4 years. Every year she fasts for the prosperity of her love, but unfortunately it has been 3 different persons that she had fasted for, as it let from one failed relationship to another. Now, she has decided to wait for the worthy guy instead of blindly following the crowd.  Also, I had a friend who popped in a rasgulla coz she forgot that she was fasting. You should have seen the look on her face when she realised the blunder. She blurted out “I think I will go to hell. I just ruined my first Karva chauth I am such a disappointment. Please don’t tell Sameer about this”. I guess that will forever be our little secret.

A few years ago distance was such big concerns during such special days but nowadays all we need is a skype id or an email id for video calling. Interestingly, we do have bikes menacing near girl’s hostel and girls waiting in the terrace to have a glimpse of the one they love to complete the ritual and celebrate their love. Even if its way too overrated, it is a happy occasion when love is rekindled or perhaps another way to feel an even purer and mystical form of love. Its about sacrifice and patience and faith. It is a celebration of love and life.

Happy Karvachauth to all. Wish you lots of love and happiness. :):)

Wedding calls

*I must warn you this post is super cheesy!! :)

Well, one of my best friends called me up and told me that her wedding date is decided. I shrieked with excitement and lost count of the “Congratulations, so happy for you" and the kinds of it. I, so wanted to hug her and share the moment with her. With a deep breath, a sigh and of course, with promises to see each other on her wedding day we said goodbye. And what followed was a dreamy silence, my heart ever so mellow.

I have heard people say that “True love is like a ghost, many have heard about it but few have experienced it” and I guess I am among the ones who have heard of it or maybe, just maybe I am beginning to experience it (ahem)!! My friend, however are the lucky ones who have experienced it throughout her life. The few people who make me believe that true love does exist still, that you can love one person for your entire life, that high school sweetheart can become your life partner in real life, that love can still conquer distance, time and busy schedules. It is just so beautiful, so pure.

Every girl dreams of the perfect wedding since her childhood, ever since the times that we marry our dolls and give them away just coz they are married. It’s the truth. Every girl is worried if an untimely pimple will ruin our looks on our wedding day or if the dress will not match the make-up and every other significant detail we can think of. C’mon, its not every day that we get to be the bride!! Imagine all those people dressed up just for you, the music, the rituals, the decorations and everything else….just for you, for just a day of your life. How special is that!! Of course, we dream of the perfect wedding, the perfect place, the cards, the gifts, the guests, the food, the dress, the make –up and everything else perfect and we do realize that what is really important is the one for whom we are bounded for a lifetime, for him to understand how much all these means to us. I have never quite pictured myself there but I guess it will be overwhelming yet sad, knowing that there is this person who will stand by you for the rest of your life and bidding goodbye to a place whom you’ve called “home” throughout this years.

So with all these thoughts in mind, I wish the soon-to-be-wedded couple keep falling in love with each other over and over again while I begin my hunt for the perfect dress as I get to play the part of the bride’s friend.  <wink>

Sleep, where art thou??

Have you ever felt that sharp tinge in your eyes when you try to conceal your tears? Has it ever occurred to you that amidst the laughter and noisy chattering of your friends you suddenly feel an agonising pain in your heart and the next moment you find your friends asking you if you are all right and you nodded and just left the room?  Has it ever transpired that as you walk numbly carrying the burden of your books and the workload and the apprehension to meet datelines, you are absorbed in such deep thoughts that you didn’t realise  your best friend calling behind you half a metre away, then suddenly you realised that your eyes had been moist and its blurring your vision? 

You lay awake in the middle of the night hoping sleep to engulf you and you stare at the ceiling and the fan and hope, against all hopes, to drift away to peaceful sleep but you can feel the seconds turning into minutes and then to hour and you could hear the birds chattering and the hustle and bustle of early joggers. Then you realise that you had wasted yet another night and you are swept with the feeling of guilt for precious moments lost. 

In an attempt to forget our present it is common that we pretend as though everything is all right and we try our level best not to bring ourselves to this terrible realisation. But in the darkness of the nights, we are left with no choice and all our worries and exertions which we try to escape in broad daylight creeps slowly and mercilessly in our mind, making us feel worst than ever.  Your mind becomes the battleground for conflicting thoughts and even if your eyes become heavy and crave for sleep, you are helpless and you are swept with reminiscence of the good times shared and the love that once were. Its a scary feeling, tossing and turning in bed, every inch of your body screaming for sleep and yet you lay awake knowing that it is gonna be a long long night. 

*Written in some nights when I had trouble sleeping

Country road, take me home!!

Psychologists call it the “empty nest” stage and as painful as it is to confess, the empty nest stage has left its toll in my family as well. It is only natural for children to leave home for higher studies and to pursue a career and carve a niche for themselves and the parents are left alone in their homes reminiscing the times when their home were filled with regular chatter of children. Now their helplessness are magnified as they have no choice but to nurture fervent hopes that their children will soon come home and their heartache will soon be over, but for many unfortunate parents they have a higher price to pay as their children are never coming back home and that their “nest” will forever remain “empty”.

In a similar stance is my parents, they seem to be growing old fast. Staying away a thousand miles away from home doesn’t seem so hard now but it gets rough when I empathize my parent’s loneliness. Sometimes, I want to break free of everything and hide myself in the safe haven of my Maammy’s bosom or tuck myself safely in the protective arms of my Dad. “Its only a matter of time”, I say to myself but I know being a girl, I have other obligations as well. Life sure is too complicated now. Childhood memories beckons me to trace my steps back home but I guess I’ve walked too far away where there is no turning back or maybe it is just that my priorities are different now. It was so easy back then. Those days of sweet childhood when my Daddy used to keep me still in his lap so that he can trim my nails, that day when I was sick but had to go to school and Daddy came to school to give my daily dose of medicine, the day I feasted after school coz Maammy had a day off and she had kept dinner ready just to make up for all those days when I came home from school only to wait for her to return home from work with moist eyes!! I am sure many of my age mates are facing the same predicament. Every time I call home Maammy shares her dreams of having us kids settled in her vicinity, where she can see and meet every time she wants coz she knows that “distance” will be an issue as she gets old, and each time, it breaks my heart to realize that her dreams may remain futile, that somewhere down the line, either one of us have to compromise.

As much as parents of today are worried that their wards will never return home or that they will bear loneliness during their old age; the children are sandwiched between their responsibilities towards their parents and their own priorities of having a fulfilling career and pursuing their dreams. Each way it is not easy. Generation gap, consequences of globalization or personal call, whatever we say but its worth pondering where WE are heading to!! Its indeed a tough road ahead. 

*Dedicated to all those staying away from home

Mama, WE are coming home!!

I just finished reading the book "Train to Pakistan" by Khuswant Singh and I should say, it best pictures the exodus of North East youths from major cities of the South to their homelands with special trains being operated to aid the North East people in the last couple of days. Its an irony that just as the entire nation exhaulted the victory of Mary Kom in the Olympics and acknowledged the North East States, the celebrations were eclipsed by communal riots and ethnic clashes in this geographically isolated part of the country and its ugly repercussions in the rest of the coutry. News of violence, fear and panic adorning the major newspapers, the entire nation shaken and yet safety and security is a cry far far away.

So what's next? 7,000 people who came in search of greener pastures fleeing back home where unemployment is at its peak. Thousands of people risking their jobs, many more sacrificing their studies and career leaving in the middle of semesters, thousands deported even if prices of airfare which is normally a few thousands reaching 30 thousands in minutes and yet we pay. We paid, we ran, we fled, we panicked....call us cowards but who cares, we want to live. 

Whom do we believe? The news and rumours of violence or the many Muslims who came out with playcards to lend their support requesting their North East friends not to leave, the Government who requested us not to panic yet provided special trains to help us flee, the same Government who didnt raise a finger when airlines authorities took the maximum advanatage of the whole situation!! I guess in times of crisis, its every man for himself!!

Its awkward that we always cry for discrimination by mainland Indians and yet even among North Eastern people where is the unity? Nagaland always on the lookout for economic blocades in the lifelines of Manipur not to mention clashes among  its different tribes, the conflicts and enimosity among the Garos and Khasis of Meghalaya, the abuses and mockery showered on hilly people by valley inhabitants at Manipur not to mention the saga of "Lawai" (countryside) and "Imphal" mentality, Assamese ethic clashes.....where is the unity? And when we feel threatened in the Indian mainland, we all pack our backs and run away back at home!!

Back at home the struggles continues, situation grim as ever. We still have 3 hours of power supply everyday, unemployement is at its peak, we have our regular share of bomb blasts and bandhs, we still have conflicts between insurgents and securities, we still have a list of missing persons, we still have AFSPA, we still have Irom Sharmila fasting for more than a decade, we still have economic blocades at every occassion...so are we really safe back at home? Where do we go now?

So much, yet we pride on being the world's largest democracy and a secular nation, a nation where the Great Mahatma was born. 

Peace be with you!!

*The views are strictly personal!!

Thank you Mr. K. Onler Kom!!

Way to go, Mary!!

I woke up late, checked out the papers today and smiled to myself as I saw Olympics bronze medallist boxer Mary Kom flashing the victory sign jubilantly. She defied all odds, proved that she can bring home a medal by fighting above her weight category even if she belongs to a geographically isolated part of the nation which considers cricket to be the only sport, that gender consciousness is way too overrated and achieved such feats in a fist fight, that being a mother of twin boys doesn’t set limit to your dreams, and above all proved that inspite of all the achievements, fame and glory one can still be modest and loving mother, wife and daughter.

They say “behind every successful man there is a woman” and I guess it’s the other way round as well. In a country like ours there are very few men who take a backseat and not feel threatened by their wives’ achievement. As the entire nation hailed Mary, cameras reeled on her and every journalist chasing her, all sponsors following her and there her husband stands beside her without an ounce of inferiority whatsoever.  Juggling from being a Mom to a loving wife to a caring daughter to a world champion requires enormous strength, the strength which she derives from her husband, K Onler Kom who gave up his job to support his wife and take care of his family. Their understanding and humility is indeed praiseworthy. Had her husband been not supportive, it would have been a different story. 

So as we rejoice in her achievements let us not fail to remember the man behind this feisty lady. Thank you for giving us Mary, for being an inspiration of a nation and for redefining the role of husband. Just as Mary says “If he is around, things are easy”.

And we sure need more men like him!! :)

Source: Google

Mid-year blues!! :)

Reaching for the sky!! :)

Gosh!  Its the end of July. It just seems a few weeks ago that I updated my new year resolutions and today I realised that half of the year is already gone. How time flies!!
Well, this has been an amazing year as yet and I am sure by the end of it when I retrospect I am gonna give a toss to myself for having had one of the best times of my life. I knew it...I knew that 2012 will be my year. I have had a good feeling of this year. Finally and again finally, the sun is shining down on me. 


Half the year past by like a sudden gust of wind. I will be turning 26 this year and its strange but my friends and I have agreed on a sacred pact of getting married before one of us hit the 30 mark (a typical girl's thing), so we have a few precious precious years and we are geared up to accomplished all the wild things we've left out. And working in these lines, I enrolled myself in swimming classes and gradually learning to tame my fears of getting drowned. I learnt a foreign language too, French...and If ever I happen to wake up out of nowhere at Paris I guess I can manage to survive with a French kit (lol) Très bien, merci.
I got to experience the joy of teaching all over again as I became an online teacher for Korean students. It just feels great to discuss kimchi, hambok, sushi and teach English to young and old alike. It broadened my horizon and its a great feeling to realise that I can be a mentor to someone who lives half across the globe in a different time zone and who speaks a different language. 

And, Ah! That wonderful feeling when you realised that you can finally do your bit and share the load of your parents!! Gifted a formidable amount to my parents from my scholarship fund and in return I had my Mom in tears out of sheer ecstasy. The best thing I have ever done!!

Also, I lived a dream of visiting my school days and relived those days once again. I became a proud member of Tiny Tots Alumni Forum and one of the lucky ones to witness a historic event as alumni from 1982 onwards came together for the first time in the history of TTUS. 

Its a brand new start. Memories fading away fast and it all seems like dream now. What I have now is real and it is all that matters and it means the world to me. Finally, I can spread my wings and fly coz I know I have a place to land, I have a heart whom I can come home to. And, all that I left behind are remnants of my past, my stupidity and innocence of youth anchored and tucked away safely. Forgiveness and forgetting all the way. I knew all along that this year is gonna be a great year........and it sure will be!! 

Cheers mate...Have a great year ahead!! :)

Bring home a MEDAL!!

Heart beats fast, the urgency is even more, the spirit is intoxicating and infectious. It’s the battle of the best, finally the games are here. I see it everywhere. Everyone seems to be talking about it. It is in the air. Social networking sites, newspapers, hoardings are flooded with pictures of Olympians and notes of wishes and support from their fans and well-wishers. The proud parents whose kids are fighting to bring laurels to their native land, who are a thousand miles away in a land beyond their reach are offering their prayers for the success of their kids. It is a time when nations are united and hopes are raised, just a medal, and all the sweat and struggles will be oblivion and a whole nation will rejoice the sweet success.

And me, being an avid sports fan can’t be far behind in conveying my support and best wishes to all the Oympians who will be representing my country. Hailing from Manipur, a tiny North east state of India, it is indeed a moment of pride to realise that we have five Olympians from my native place competing in the global platform. My heartfelt wishes to them. Just show the world that we exist. 

Fight for all the times that you were discriminated,

Fight for justice and love denied

Fight for all those discouraging words

Fight for that moment when you felt that u have been let down.

Fight for all the times that you got“NO”as an answer

Fight for all the sweat and the hopes you had

Fight for Peace

AMEN

C'mon folks...Lets cheer for our team!!

 http://e-pao.net/epSubPageExtractor.asp?src=leisure.Sports.Manipur_Olympic_Dreams_2012_London.Schedules_for_Manipur_sportspersons_at_London_Olympics_2012

Walking the distance

Flowers - best way to express love

It was another mundane Monday morning. I woke up at the sound of my cell beep. 

1 new message. 

I read it sleepily “Good morning Vi. Wake up sleepyhead. Im already off to work.  I smiled and replied “Good Morning Da. Happy hours ahead ”  God, I wished I could see him. Now I can feel it myself, how my friends used to sulk over long distance relationships. I sighed and dragged myself out of bed.

I got myself busy with my daily morning chores and was getting ready for college when my cell buzzed. I smiled. “Hello Da, whats up?”. He sounded upset. “What is wrong with you? How can you be so careless?” I was surprised.

“What happened?”

“Didn’t I tell you that you’ll be receiving a courier? Can’t you even inform your hostel authorities?”

“Sure, I can, but what happen?”

“That courier guy has been standing at your hostel gate for the last 20 minutes and your gatekeepers won’t even let him in to take your signature.”

“Seriously? Wow…u never….er….ok….let me help him out. Don’t worry, I’ll hurry downstairs and see him. And, thank you.”

I ran downstairs excitedly. What on earth will it be? My birthday is 3 months away and there is no special occasion that I can think of. May be he sent me that book which I’ve always wanted. I stopped running as I approached the gate.

I was panting when I opened the gate and stepped out. I gasped for breath and stood there awestruck.

At first I could not believe myself. There he was, looking right at me, with some roses put together in a Maaza bottle. I felt breathless and reached out for more air. I just stood there gaping at him like a fool....words failed me. He came near me. I could feel a sharp tinge of tear.

“Oh….how could you? I mean you never…when did you…I am so happy to see you.”

“Really?” He smiled.

“Of course I am. But I never thought. You said you got held up in an important meeting last night”.

His eyes were glued on mine. “Yeah, that’s coz I didn’t want you to call me. You’d have found out that I was travelling and it would have ruined the surprise.”

“Hmm. You…and why are those flowers in a bottle?”

“Oh, I thought I will not get flowers here. So, I bought them yesterday from Delhi but it wilted on the way so I bought a Maaza bottle, drank all the stuff and poured some water instead, to preserve them. Nice idea, na?” He grinned and handed me the Maaza bottle filled with flowers.

I laughed and took the bottle of flowers from him. “You are crazy. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t know what else to say”.

He smiled mischievously. “God, I am famished. Lets grab some food. U want to come with me?”

“Of course, I am coming. Just give me 5 minutes. I want to look pretty”. I held the flowers closely and smiled all the way to my room. That was when I realised that I was falling for him all over again.

BACK to SCHOOL

My school, my days gone past

I sat down to write about my school days and I am swept away by nostalgia. Its hard to believe that its been a decade since I have walked past my school days. I can almost hear the laughter during the recesses, the haste of the morning bells and the sigh of relief when the last bell rings, the rush for the morning assemblies and the heartbeat before exams and the applause when we get good grades.

Those were the times when we metamorphosed from innocent chubby faces to confused teenagers, when we start nurturing a dream, when we had our first secret crush, or may be when we had our first heart break. It was the time when we shared cute tiffin boxes and a pocket money of 10 rupees meant the world to us. Those were the days when girls were all so geared up against boys and vice versa only to realise that they can find a best friend in each other. Those were the time when we came late to class only to get the attention of our favourite teacher, when thoughts were shared during class by passing notes with odd smirks on our faces pretending as if we were fooling the teachers and our hearts raced during exams and as the examiner passed by we tried to hide the stupid things written on our answer scripts.

I can trace some of my fondest memories way back from high school. Life sure is more complicated now and there are many friends of mine whom I’ve not met ever since we bade goodbye after that last day in school. Our lives have taken different paths and I hope that wherever we are and in whatever we do we are keeping the spirit of being a Tiny Totian alive.

In moments like now when I try to remember my school days my mind is flooded with many thoughts and wonder at the queerness of life. How much we’ve grown in this decade…we’ve emerged as adults, each one of us caught in the race and even if we feel nostalgic and remember all our innocent promises to remain best friends and to write to each other, it all seems so futile now and remains the best treasured memories ever ready to be buried in the sands of time. 

Old and New Sparks

Blowing like the wind!! :)

The last couple of weeks has been an overwhelming experience…..met old friends and recreated magic, trod down memory lane and revisited my college days, felt like a princess and could finally start a new page of my life without an ounce of hesitation. This feeling is huge and in a very long time I feel emancipated.

Thanks to Sweety and Hema who travelled the whole night just to ignite old flames and we remained glued to each other, each of us taking turns to speak and wiping away happy tears. Life sure is different now. Earlier it used to be cool guys now its about doting husbands, pocket moneys now turned into salaries, roadside tea stalls are now CCDs and KFCs, don’t know when our worries about what to wear on a date changed into when to get married, earlier it was about gaining weights and now its about hiding the cellulite to look younger. We laugh at our old silly jokes and chanced on our old pics only to realise the tiny wrinkles that appear out of nowhere. WE met after four years…just for a few hours….and it sounds stupid but there was laughter, tears, jealousy, anger in those few precious precious hours….like old times but at the end of the day we had to bade goodbye and went ahead with our lives with a deep sigh with no idea whatsoever as to when we will meet next…and none of us volunteered to ask about our next meeting as each one of us was aware of the answer.

Perhaps this is the beauty of life…we meet inorder to part. Just as an end marks a new beginning…..

Cheers to friendship and to new beginnings!! 

*For u again VDz!! Love u all

My Maths woes!!

Source: Google

As unconvincing as it may sound, I have friends who claim that numbers are their first love. I have always wondered how that is even possible. May be they started their affair one mundane Monday morning when they were attempting a problem of trigonometry. I gulped when I first heard it.

I am uncertain of many things in life and I am still trying to figure out my likes and dislikes but one thing is for sure….Numbers and Valentina never get along well. It took me 3 months to remember my cell number and I wasn’t too interested to memorise it anyway. I try to avoid any sort of mathematical calculations in my daily activities….except for the simple ones.

As much as I try to escape from the ghosts of numbers haunting me, I am an easy prey as I am enrolled in a programme where it is compulsory to study “Statistics” and get “S” in the subject (S meaning Satisfactory). Now that’s a tough call for me. The first day I went for class, the seemingly dashing Professor even failed to make an impression. I was lost in the world of sigma, probability, skewness, standard deviations, regression co-efficient etc…it has been one hectic semester.  The worst is “Probability”….all the tossing coins, drawing cards, hitting targets sure makes my head spin round and round. Honestly, I’ve been studying probability since my high school with no idea whatsoever.

The best part of being a student is that we are so cool until the last moment and when the final call comes all hell breaks lose. We’re on fire. And I am no different. I had assured myself in the beginning of the semester that I will work hard as I had registered the dreaded Statistics but sheer apprehension got carried away once weekend arrived and there was the movies and shoppings and girls day out and dates and birthday parties and the list goes on.

I realised my predicament a week before the exam. So my friend and I started studying together hastily and my poor brain was exhausted with all the pressure and of course the fear of repeating the course was unthinkable. Tired, drained and terrified, I went for the exam. Ask a student how she feels in the exam hall. It’s a humbling experience. There were intelligent looking girls with long braids who write so rapidly as though they were burning a hole in the answer script. There were guys who sat there turning around smiling away dumbly, biting the end of their pens. And also there was me sitting there with the question paper in hand….expressionless.

I was having the most turbulent time…it was 40 degrees outside…my table was hot. I was sweating and the damn probability was getting messier. So I assured myself that I can sail this time as well took a deep breath and started out, searching every corner of my exhausted and overused brain for any remnants of all that I imposed last week. There was this part where I had to solve the problem using a formula. I began writing the formula when I got confused…r/n-1 ..wait was it… r/n+1? ..or may be n/r-1?…I got all so confused. Finally I settled for r/n+1 which of course turn out to be wrong. And damn, just a mere -ve sign ruined everything!!

You know the best moment in a student's life is when you hit a blind shot in the exam and the moment you come out of the hall, you check it hurriedly and turns out that it was right…wow…that’s bliss and you Hi-five your friend and she responds with no clue. However, it is the other way round in most cases where you sulk coz of all the silly mistakes and blame everybody else except ourselves for all the things that went wrong during the exam. This situation is best described by a joke which I came across recently…In class, they teach you how to cook rice and in exam they ask you how to make biryani…now is that fair?

Even if I will never be able to understand the real importance of regression co-efficient and hypothesis testing and all the trigonometry in my life, I admire those girls who are good in maths…its really cool and as always it’s a field dominated by males so its great to have a charismatic woman who explains patiently the need to test the level of significance or to differentiate between parametric and nonparametric tests. If only I have the ear for all this but there’s just a white flag from my end…so all those girls who have an affinity for numbers….hats off to you…I salute you!! Keep the flag high!! 

P.S. My final paper went off fairly well….fingers crossed!! :)

This is for you, Maammy!!

You are my world, You are my life

As a kid I've always felt that my Mom doesn't have enough time for me and this feeling persisted all throughout my teenage years. As I try to strike a chord of being a responsible adult, I sometimes wish I can talk to my Mom when I had a fight with my best friend or when my Professor cornered me in front of the entire class. There has been times when I call up my Mom with tears to tell her how much I miss her and she listened for a brief moment and said she'll call back as she was in a meeting. I cried even more.

My Mom belongs to the first generation of independent women....the so called "modern day women" who have a life beyond the four walls. Since childhood I've watched her switch from being a doting mother to being a workchoholic professional. They say being a mother is the best part of being a woman. I guess its a tough call juggling between work and family...and indeed she keeps all of us in our toes. Sometimes when the stress gets the better of her she doubts if she's doing a good job but nevertheless when I worry about her she merely says "It sometimes gets rough being ordinary parents of extra-ordinary kids". How cool is that?

Even if at times she sleeps away while I kept chatting about how interesting my day went, even if she forgets to call me back, even if I had to remind her of my birthday, its always a great feeling when she calls me when her superiors are not around and sheepishly drops at the very sight of him or when we gossip in the weekends....she about her colleagues...and me..may be about boyfriends!! These are the moments worth reliving over and over again.

Screw Freud, I love my MOM. :P

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY......Thank you for the miracle called life!! 

A Tribute to Loitam Richard

A week ago I never knew who Loitam Richard was. He was just a normal 19 years old kid aspiring to be an Architect enrolled in the Acharya NRV School of Architecture. He was a good football player and won many accolades during his school days and in college. He loved strumming the guitar and used to have crazy moments with his friends. He represents the entire youth of North East who left home to pursue their dreams sacrificing the comforts of home and adjusting to new cultures and food habits.

On the fateful night of 18th April, he was beaten to death following a quarrel with some of his hostel mates. The concerned authorities are still paying a deaf ears to all the hue and cry of Richard's family and friends claiming that Richard was a drug user and his death is accidental. They even mentioned of a minor accident which occurred 2 days prior to his death citing it as a possible cause of death. It is a shame that the college authority and the hostel warden are not able to come up with valid responses to the queries whilst the culprits still walks free oblivious to the massive anguish of hundreds of thousands of people.

Richard's death bears witness to the increasing rate of crimes due to discrimination against youth especially North East people. May be this is the sole reason that this incident touched the hearts of thousand of North East people and the facebook group created to seek justice for Richard went viral and crossed 1 lakh members within a week of its creation. It is as though every youth belonging to the geographically isolated North East could empathize with Richard and put themselves in his shoes coz they have faced discrimination is some way or the other. Of course, citing the sole reason for Richard's death as racial discrimination would be a one-sided affair as such incident is also common among Indian mainlanders as well. When a North East student becomes a victim of ragging, it is a case of discrimination but when a North Indian student becomes a victim of ragging it is just a case of ragging. So are we stereotyping the whole issue here?

I guess its better to fight for justice alone. With students and youths coming forth voluntarily in major cities for protests an candle light vigils, I am sure the repercussions will be heard by many ignorant people who still believe that all people with small eyes and flat nose are either from Nepal or China. Richard's death unified people from all sections of the society to fight for the sole purpose - JUSTICE FOR LOITAM RICHARD.

Back at home, Richard's parents waits for justice for his son, clad in white attire unable to reconcile the loss, tears running dry and lost in a trance. Without saying a final goodbye their son had left. One phone call was enough to bring their world to an end. Never will his Mom feel him in her bosom again nor will his Dad ever worry that he'll come home late. But inspite of the mass awakening that their son's death has caused, when justice sought has been given and acknowledged, when the massive uproar has dwindled down and when every one else live life in their own pace........they will be the only ones who will live with this cruel reality......that their son is never returning home.

Justice for Loitam Richard https://www.facebook.com/groups/410394948972870/

Attempted Love

Silence of past, whispers of present

A numb agony of eternity

Smiles and ripples of pain

Lost and found again

Wearing mask of a saint

Redemption is for you!!

Broken hearts, healed wounds

An ailing ecstasy

Gazing through yesterday

Picking broken pieces

Faint smile, open palm

Forgiveness is all mine!!

Fragrance and passion lingers

Time and pain passes

Cold waves of remorse

Caught in a vanity fair

Giving in and giving up

Lights dying out fast

And yet love still remains!!

Behind closed doors!!

I write this piece in strong retaliation against the uncensored media highlights of photos and videos driven by the recent raid of restaurants by some student bodies in Manipur. In a place like Manipur, where every Tom, Dick and Harry has a right to entertain law in their own hands it is not strange, even if my friends and I gaped during the entire video of 10 minutes which we watched at Youtube. It is utterly unreasonable to think that the raid was conducted by some groups which is otherwise oblivious to many. So, with due respect to the media every insignificant detail of the raid and  names, addresses and family members of the guilty party were publicly accentuated, little do they realize the potential dangers that lay ahead of the victim. 

Source: Google

In Manipur, it is a taboo to mention about restaurant in public places as the word implies "dark enclosed room meant to provide ambiance to members of both sexes to indulge in activity which is labelled obscene in broad daylight". Its the place where youths, married men and women and even high school kids hang out to curb their passion. Even if the culture of restaurant is at its worst best what is more worse is the mockery of the victims in the public eyes. Who are we to judge someone? Is there any person who has not not gone out of their way to fulfill their wild desires secretly? If the cause is noble enough why don't we ban the restaurants altogether? Who is checking the licensing of such hideous places or is it that every person next door can set up a restaurant in a secluded place to pave way for more victims? We need a reality check. 

I am sure every person has a story which one is not proud of. It will be a lie to say that we are all saints because even saints have guilty pasts. If the sole purpose of such activity is to save younger generations from choosing the wrong path  as they claim then is the indecent exposure of even their family members in media doing them any good? Student bodies whose members are beyond 30 years old sure is not a feather in the cap...is it something to be proud of? Of course, we have a plethora of organisations/groups each serving different objective and every one of them with Herculean claims of bringing about peace and development in Manipur and this case is no different. 

It is time we look beyond the mirage and pretend plays. It is time we realize that the future of a generation is at stake and we play our cards wisely. It is easy to find fault and blame but what is more difficult is to look past our impulsive judgement and empathize the emotional trauma of the victims. We can be better and more humane!!

Circle of Friends

I used to consider myself fiercely independent until I met my wonderful girlfriends whom I consider “friends of a lifetime”. How I met them is another story which I happen not to be in the right note to pen down. Making friends isn’t a difficult task for me. I feel uncomfortable enduring weird silences and enjoy breaking the universal code of silence among strangers. So unless the person sitting right across doesn’t turn out to be a serial killer, it is always a pleasure to smile and say “Hi” and watch them thaw.

I believe woman needs another woman to support and understand each other at every stage of their life. They say “Behind every successful man there is a woman behind” but so also is a woman behind every successful woman. We always need someone in our lives to be our mentor, to love and feel loved, to bitch, to cry on, to hear us out, to relate to and to understand us. Even though I am totally straight I have to admit that I love the company of these beautiful women in my life who’ve made my life even more beautiful….more than hunky nerds. :)

Super massive embrace!!

We have seen each other in worst circumstances and watched each other relinquish childish prerogatives. From stupid girls who fret over a bad hair day to the relentless worries for not scoring good grades, from the gruelling jealousy when a cute guy asked one of us out to the excitement over a new pair of jeans, we’ve blossomed to women who enjoy dreaming of a perfect wedding, doting husband and cute kids. It’s a girl’s thing after all. We had a major heart break when a nail broke and laughed crazy when someone in purple mask opened the door. We go crazy when we go window shopping and stayed up whole night to lend a shoulder to cry on when one had a break up. It seems like yesterday that we were in the threshold of adulthood undecided and equally confused of career and relationships. Even if at times I enjoy solitude and wish to stay alone being lonely is a feeling I’ve not felt in many years.

I wish every woman finds another woman with whom she can rediscover herself no matter how far life has taken her and ignite the girlish charms in her and to dream again. It is about reaching out to your girlfriends yet again and celebrating womanhood!!


*This is for u VDz...Love u all!! :)

HIM and HER

Hmm......so sat down to write a story....came out with all stupid ideas and held on to this one...realised how much more I need to work on :( 

She hated his guts and his arrogance. He had his own selfish ways of meeting his ends which she knew inside out. He was every bit of what she doesn’t want in a man. How can someone be so blunt about one’s feelings? He saw her twice and blurted out “I love you”. Is it even possible? Does he even know what “love” is? She politely refused but knew he would not give up easily. 

He first saw her on one of those nonchalant evenings when he was sitting idly with his friends talking, gossiping and enjoying their favourite sport “chick watch”. She walked past them without the slightest acknowledgement of him or his friends surpassing the macho image they flaunt and ignoring them in the most graceful way. She wasn’t the prettiest face he had ever seen. He was sure she was someone who will be oblivion after a couple of days. He wondered whatever happened to his charms to impress girls. He knew she would give lewd comments; talk rudely and dismiss him which was exactly what he wanted coz he found such woman amusing and loved the challenge. Never did he anticipated  that he was in for a tough call.

She paid no heed even when he appeared everywhere with his regular phone calls and messages. She wondered if he had nothing else better to do than to invade her privacy. She firmly told him not to call her again and assured that she was in no way interested. “Can we be friends?” he asked. “I don’t want to be. I have enough of friends whom I can’t even give time to” she replied sharply.

“You know you are a very proud girl” he said.

“Whatever, as if I care.”

He knew he should stop. He had bore enough of insult. She wasn’t even pretty enough but he liked the way she was all in the air. He dialed again and when she responded, he told “Look I don’t even know why I am calling you again. Consider yourself lucky coz I usually never do like this. I must be really liking you.” She laughed when she heard it. Gosh, how can anybody be so big-headed to say something like that? She asked “So, what do you want?” “I want you to be my girlfriend”? “You know you’re crazy!! What do you know about me?”

“I’ll know after you are my girlfriend. I like you”

She was so full of questions. It was impossible but she found herself drawn to him.  She didn’t want to take a chance though. As careful as she was in falling in love, as careless he was when it come to expressing his feelings.

He could feel the other side of her, the mysterious side beyond her pride and ego. Indeed this was the part of her that he found most appealing and attractive and worthy of the chase.

 (to be continued)