Just how much is too much is one question which we fail to
answer when it comes to living upto the standards which has been set by our
society. I have become sabbatical when it comes to my career and have taken a 3
months career break coz I have to plan my wedding and be with my parents with
whom I have never spent enough time since I decided to leave home for my
studies which was more than a decade ago. And yes, I am genuinely amazed at how
well I am doing. My fiancé gets mad at me for wasting this precious time
worrying about the future and insists on enjoying the little time left at this
place which I have called home since my existence. Seriously I am working on it
and trying to avoid panic attacks thinking of this career break and making best
use of the few weeks before marriage.
So here it is….I am getting married next month to this
wonderful soul who taught me more to respect and receive coz he is the most generous
person I ever know. As the countdown to the D day begins there are elephants
running in my stomach (oh screw the butterflies), will I be able to handle the
responsibilities? I am pampered by my Daddy who uses the most beautiful and flowery words to correct me if I am wrong
so that I don’t feel offended unlike my Mom who barge on me for every slightest
mistake I make coz she is damn sure that I will screw up at my in-law’s place. The
prep has started, my brothers have started painting the gate and walls of our
house…which is like mandatory ritual for a Meetei wedding. My relatives keep pouring
into our house, my siblings and friends settled thousands of miles away have
all flown in to celebrate my wedding, tea and biscuits are constantly served,
everyone is excited, scared, nervous, sad, happy and feeling hell lot of
emotions right now.
As for me, I am still lost and clueless as to how I am gonna
deal or react. Should I be happy that I am getting married to this man who have
sworn to love and protect me and with whom I wanna spend the rest of my life
with? Should I be worried about my parents who are getting old with their increasing
health issues? Should I be sad on the realization that this place I have called
home will no longer be what it was? Its tough really. And I feel like I am breaking
from inside. Does every bride feel this way?
For a society like us, life before marriage and after
marriage are completely different. As an unmarried girl, I have the freedom coz
I live with people with whom I have known throughout my life. I get mad and
shout at them and cry when I feel hurt and laugh my heart out when we share
jokes, I get up early and go for walks and sometimes can even dare to sleep in
pretending to be sick in lazy days. I have got out late evenings with my Daddy
sometimes even after dark and enjoyed my days doing nothing lazing away. But
now somehow I cannot imagine doing all that again. I have responsibilities now
to take care of my new family and respect them. It gonna be different and I
wish I am not scared as much as I am right now that I am gonna ruin things.
What I truly feel is that amidst all the shopping, picking
up dresses, ordering furniture and basic utilities and spending heaps of money
after bargaining like crazy with experienced vendors….its a blessing that I am
gonna spend the rest of my life with my favourite person who is just perfect.
Both of us have waited long enough and have had our shares of heartbreaks
before finding each other and now that we have found each other I realized why
it never worked out with anyone else.
Marriage is a union of two souls and two families and with
the grace of God I wish to embark upon this journey and bring out the best of
each other. For now let me think of all the joys I will be unraveling and rejoice
on the love I am showered with from my new family and just enjoy all the
attention as long as it lasts (wink)
Cheers to a lifetime of love and happiness.
