27 wishes

And yet again I celebrated my birthday…and now I am 27 and still counting. Yeah, I am getting older or should I say “wiser” in the most diminutive way? May be I have reached a point in my life where I ought to lie my age (hahaha)!! 27 years of life with not so much an achievement that I can flaunt off…yet proud of the person I have grown to be. I have always considered birthday celebrations to be overrated but not anymore. Atleast not when I have friends who send me flowers every year on my “born” day and this time around I even had surprise deliveries that made my heart miss a beat, and loved ones walking extra miles just to make me feel precious. I know I may not be rich enough to go for a shopping spree without even having a glance at the price tag, but when it comes to love and friendship; I know I have enough that can last a lifetime. What more can I ask for? With friends who wake up at midnight by setting alarm and wishing me in their sleepy voices, dancing like ducks at the beat of “Pappu can’t dance, saala”, cutting the cake twice, ricksaw rides searching for a picnic spot and having reached the spot…gobbling everything that can be eaten, our “Thor” taking us out for movie Thor 2, gifting me the book I have always wanted to have….I have more than a hundred reasons to indeed feel precious and loved. And for my friend, who left us for his heavenly abode, I truly missed you and I wish peace be with you wherever you are.

They told me to make a wish and I did…and may be it is these blessings that I had wished for. I don’t know where I will be in my next birthday but as long as I have these wonderful people in my life “loneliness” will hardly be a part of me. So before I hit the 30 mark, I wish to seize the opportunity to exhibit all the confidence and skill that I have, do my bit for my people and the society and keep doing some more, have that library which I so long have wanted, make my love life less complicated (sigh), laugh some more, forgive and forget, check my patience and temper which seems even more augmented with age….and the list goes on.

I say "thank you" with the best smile you gave me. What am I without you??  :) 

My third gender friends!! :)

I recently read a newspaper article about a transgender who opened a boutique at Madurai. She stated that she wanted to lead a noble life by running her own textile store. She had MBA degree yet she has been denied job opportunities owing to her gender. She was the first of her kind to set off for such a venture. I think such inspiring news should be made headlines everyday instead of publishing news of celebrities and their overrated lifestyles.

In our country, the mere sight of transgender sets off disgusting sighs and having a faceoff with them is the last thing one can hope for. I remember an incident vividly that make me smile whenever it crosses my mind. Once I was travelling from Delhi to Ludhiana alone. As usual, I was deeply engrossed in a book hardly aware that the train was half empty. Suddenly I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder and a husky voice dressed in sari greeted me lent out her hand and asked me to give some money. I immediately recognized the predicament. I was startled, looked blankly at her and impulsively said “Bheiya…no no Didi…no….Bheiya!!” I just didn’t know what to address her. She smiled. I just hoped that she must have wanted me to call her “Didi”. So I said “Didi, I don’t have change.” She just smiled and left. I just heaved a sigh of relief coz she was gentle and left without making a scene. Of course I empathise with them but earning a means of livelihood by asking money from others just coz they are transgender is really inconsiderable.

Well, back at home I am sure the taboos still exist but homosexuals have really carved a niche for themselves. From dance groups to beauty salons, make up artists to fashionistas, homosexuals in Manipur are synonymous to beauty experts and the likes of it. Even if I have seen men frown at the mere mention of “homos” I feel that we owe them the respect that they deserve as they try to fit in this world inspite of all the discrimination and abuse they face. Every time I visit home, I get my hair done by them. They are the best in terms of style and price. At such times I always encourage them to come to the metros and start their enterprise. May be they are still scared to leave the comforts of their home, or may be its just that they are still abused in their own soil that daring to venture in unknown territories is still too risky….whatever it is, I am sure they have something to teach the rest of their counterparts in the rest of the country…to live a life in the most noble way inspite of all the loathing and hatred they endure. For once, we need not question sexuality rather humanity should be perked up. 

Admission blues and Chinese toppings!!

I have been called a lot of things by many people who love me and who hate me. Well I am not here to prove myself righteous coz I know there are many shades in my personality but among all the qualities I appreciate and wish to inculcate, I should say what I really really need is PATIENCE…lots and lots of it. I have like zero tolerance when it comes to waiting and I have suffered a great deal coz I just run out of this so called “patience” almost all the time. Be it waiting for my turn in my hostel mess, sneaking around my Supervisor’s office when she is having those long talks with her colleagues about God knows what, even the few seconds of Ad in Youtube before they show the video are just so hard to endure. May be I should take them as opportunities to work on my patience but I am telling you….I have been working it for so long without much result whatsoever. 

Every Semester there is Registration of every student of my university and you can imagine how everyone is in hurry and the long queues in every counter. And we have to pay for atleast 3 receipts for some stupid activities which we never participate not to mention that the amount we pay keeps increasing every year and the students pay without questioning even once as to where the money is going. Imagine struggling in a queue that moves at a snail’s pace at 40 degrees, sweat drenched, running around offices for signatures only to realize that there is a tea break and you have to wait another half an hour for one damned signature coz you cant do anything about it. Then there are Professors who torment you by asking about your progress in the last semester and cornering you as though you have done nothing except eat and sleep and gossip all this time. Somehow dragging myself along throughout the entire campus, I registered myself and legally became a student of the university….my patience tried many times, tired, frustrated, my anger beyond bounds.

I guess my friends were also feeling the same storm inside them as we were walking silently. Suddenly there was this group of about 5/6 men who saw us and they started whispering among themselves “Chinese” “Nepali” or something. They walked past us. I turned and shouted back “Bheiya, hum log Chinese nahi hain. Aap log kya samajte hein humko? Aap log kyun kuch nahi jante? Kaha se aaye ho? (Brother, we are not Chinese. What do you think of us? Why are you so ignorant? Where have you come from?) All my anger and frustrations took charge and I was spilling it over to them. Poor men, they just turned around, smiled shyly, whispered something to each other and walked away. And I should tell you I never felt so much better. I felt as though I won a fight and smiled triumphantly at my friends and we all laughed. Other days we might have just ignored it as it wasn’t the first time that they have called us names but not when my patience is tried.

I have read somewhere that you become impatient coz you are selfish enough NOT to realize that other people’s priorities are also important. And I so don’t want to be this person but sometimes it gets so difficult. Whatever it takes, I need to keep trying coz I know all I need to do is wait….soon enough everything is gonna be just perfect for me :) 

Beauty is the night

Looking past my window I see the ever so beautiful moon, the soft wind playing with my hair and occasionally I have to tuck a few of my stranded hair behind my ear and carry on with my thoughts as I pen it down. So majestic and serene, and I know the moment is perfect coz every bit of my body is soaked in the beauty of the moment. The stars seem to lay a blanket over the black sky. Does the stars feel jealous of the moon coz its the moon that every poet talks about, the moon that every lover grew to be fond of....the moon whose beauty have bedazzled the hearts of every artist. And yet, I am sure many of us are like the stars....somehow our lives are eclipsed by the ghastly presence of something more heavenly and utterly beautiful like the moon......but yet again, when the moon goes down, in moonless nights, it is the stars that lit up the sky in all its glory, the stars that guide the sailors, the stars that make the moonless night even more beautiful....no matter how long the wait is, there will be atleast a moonless night when our glory will be seen and appreciated....and we've gotta wait for that day...coz its so much worth it!!

As the moon spread its magical beams across the sky I wonder is it the same moon that bore witness when history unfolded....is it the same moon that saw Noah build the ark, the same moon when historic battles were fought, the same moon that saw the rise and fall of empires....coz for sure such peaceful nights reminds me of the many nights I spent with my long lost friends cracking silly jokes, the beautiful moon making me fall in love with the one whom I used to think was the love of my life...a love that faded with time...and yet I know it was perfect!!

Such is the loyalty of the moon. She keeps your secrets, offers you solace and heals your broken hearts and stands by you when you have an aching heart......and after all these years it still stands tall and pretty as ever....witnessing history and perhaps making mankind even more humane.

Source: Google

Back to normal

Ah....been so long since I updated my blog. So, I went home...stayed there for a few weeks and flew to Bangalore with friends to visit the ever so dreamy Coorg. And yes, it did felt like a dream. The cool breeze, the scenic beauty, the mild showers and yummy food and the long bus rides. It was perfect....even more than perfect coz when you visit new places with your closest friends the excitement is doubled. I just wish that we had a longer visit coz there were so much more to be explored.

There I was at home a few weeks ago savouring the home-cooked steamed foods with boiled vegetables, visiting friends and relatives, dressed in our traditional attires, attending weddings, going on long drives with friends, listening patiently to my Mom as she teach me life lessons...spending every bit of my vacation in the best way I could. Then I flew to Delhi for some family work.....Well, I wonder how people dont get roasted at Delhi? Its just too hot there...So when I finally reached Bangalore..the first thing I noticed apart from the grinning face that greeted me was the weather.....perfect!! And I knew, I was gonna have some wonderful days ahead of me. From North-East to North to South India, wasnt I just enjoying every bit of it? So vast, so different not even remotely close to each other in terms of looks, food, dresses, culture...every bit of it...yet bound together by a single thread...splendid!!

So here I am once again, wishing and hoping to submit my dessertation in time. I know I have some rough months ahead and I have to be at my Supervisor's mercy for some more time.....and may be when I feel low in days to come I can unlock the treasure trove of memories and it may just help me to survive the trying times that lay ahead of me...Well, good luck to me!! ;)

Somewhere at Coorg, Karnataka

Home is where the FAMILY is :)

I have become more like a guest at my home. Its been almost 10 years since I left home to continue my studies. And now, home is just a feeling....A feeling which sweeps me once in a year or may be if I am lucky enough I get it twice a year. I cant remember the last time when my whole family were under the same roof or dining together or making fun of each of other....its been such a long long time. For now, I just am happy that I get to pack my bags for going home again coz it is something which I have been missing for so long. I cant wait to see those beaming faces waiting for me.....the overwhelming love that makes me all so teary-eyed. And I know as much as I am excited to go home, it will be much more the pain when the time comes for me to depart. There, my Mom will stand concealing her tears, my Dad blinking away tears lest they would make me weak and I, pretending to be strong and I would excuse myself as though I forgot something important and cry my heart out in my room before saying "goodbye". Every year it has been the same. The same excitement before going home....counting every day and the same pain when the time comes for me to leave.

But for now, let me just relish this moment of excitement for in a day or two I get to feel the warm embrace of my Mom and the ever so protective aura of my Dad. They have been waiting for long, and it doesn't matter if it will not last long......coz....their daughter is finally coming HOME!! :)

Echoes from beyond

I saw him yet again

His whisky breath and swollen eyes

And he still had the bottle in his hand

They said it would make him numb

But for him it was twice the pain

There he sat at the same old place

He even offered her a drink

And she just watched silently

Slurry voice telling tales of failures

Of love lost and loneliness

Yet again, he shouted out loud

Dragging his feet Oh, so close

Keeping his head on the stone

And he apologized one more time

And again, promised to bring her flowers

The rustling leaves and cold stone woke him

And on the stone was written

“In God’s care. Alice”