Koffee and flipping through!!

A few years ago my favourite leisure activity used to be to huddle in a corner with a book in hand and a cup of coffee next to me. I used to love sipping my coffee, leaning on the wall, engrossed in my book. With the recent trend of social networking sites and easy access to Internet, readership of books has declined to the highest degree and I see the change in myself most precisely. I used to love the smell of hard bound books of library.....now I am amazed as to how I used to find pleasure amidst the sweet smell of old books. I feel humbled and small standing behind the tall racks and the overwhelming knowledge that surround me. Somewhere deep inside me I miss that part of me that craved for knowledge and the enthusiasm to learn more. I miss reading which has become a thing of the past due to sheer laziness. Those days when I used to have a book with me 24x7, when I used to spend sleepless nights trying to finish that book in hand, imagining the plot, falling in love with the characters and the way I used to identify myself with one of them  has all become a thing of the past.....I, for sure have changed with the passage of time.
                 They say reading increases your imagination...of course it does. And for those who aspire to be writers, reading is the means to an end. But then who has the time anyway. A simple search is all it takes instead of digging in the library, ultimately increasing the laziness quotient....one of the many drawbacks of the technological revolution. 
                 Somewhere down the lane, I dream of owning a library...I even have the designs of my library. May be this new year will make me rediscover this passion of mine...to collect books from different fields, purchase some more books, read some more and own those books which I have for so long wanted to buy!! Who knows years later I can be like "Robert Langdon" - the walking encyclopedia or may be, just may be there is a Rhett Butler waiting for me!! ;)


P.S. Mind the difference between reading and studying!!

Standing on my mess!!

I wonder when life got so complicated....it was so easy back then when all you have to worry is about ur homework and to comb ur hair the right way or to make that perfect knot in ur shoelace...those times are gone, gone forever never to return. I wish I can go back to my childhood when I can feel the innocence, the bliss of ignorance, the glee of the wind on my face, the unconditional love of parents, the fights between siblings, the slumber party with frens, the tiffins sharing at school, the beauty of simplicity and everything about it....

When did life became so complicated and decisions so difficult to make? When did I started hurting people and people getting hurt coz of me? How is it possible that u have to give up the thing u want the most just coz somebody else deserves it more? When did I started accepting defeat? When did I start giving up? How is it even possible to let someone walk all over u and not say a word? Is it possible to fall in love with two persons at the same time? How can we "let go" of someone who meant the world to you? When did my life started revolving around a single person? When did I stop caring and loving...or better still....when did I stopped being cared and being loved? Is this fair? Where do I trace myself?

May be its the age or experience or whatever they say but life sure has taught me profound lessons. I screwed up a lot of things and I know its my basic nature to not let things happen the way its meant to be...and just when things begin getting better....my instincts get the hold of me and I mess it up.....and a mess is all I have all the time........but atleast its better than not having anything at all.

"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all"............Lady Antebellum

Its an end.....its a new beginning!!

The last couple of weeks of the dying year, I see the retrospection of the year that was and honestly it has been a year of many ups and down....began the year with the feelings of dejection and worthlessness coz of academic failures but all turned out well later.

After several attempts to hang on, with a final attempt to do things my way, I finally learnt to "let go" and my life has changed ever since. The disappointments of my past keeps whispering in my ears and I am still taming my fears. Ventured for a fresh new start and failed miserably yet again.

Fell in love with the court all over again. Sweated away my pain and agony. I was given another opportunity to play and rediscover satisfaction in hitting hard and smashing!!

Felt good to realise that readership of my articles are growing. Appreciated the accolades from my loved ones and new frens. I found back the passion of my life yet again and tasted the refreshing happiness that came with it. Saw my name in paper in academic arena.....felt humbled!!

Wished happiness and luck as my frens enter a new phase of life. Its a miracle to witness two souls promising each other for a lifetime of love, friendship, joy and to stand by each other through sickness, pain and happiness until death do them apart.

Learnt that the world isnt a bad place to live when u're surrounded with frens who willingly stood for 6 hrs in a crowded train.....just to give company.

Realised that feeling guilty is a part of life. And most importantly, learnt to forgive and forget.

The last few days of the 1st year of the decade and I guess it was awesome for me coz given a chance again I' rather make the same mistakes and have a blend of good and bad memories rather than leading a perfect life!!

Manipur burning!!

I saw this grotesque picture of a bomb blast victim that happened yesterday at Imphal.  The first time I saw I was too stunned to react, words failed me. I saw some more pics and realised sharp tinge of tears in my eyes. What have we turned into? There he is, too shocked to react, the noise deafening him, not feeling any pain coz the pain was beyond anybody could endure, he must have felt death engulfing him slowing, darkness all around.

There he was lying,every drop of blood draining out and everybody was staring, no one offered to help, the police were interrogating trying to scrape out every bit of information till his dying moment. He waved at the people around as though calling for help. Nobody responded him. He was taken to the hospital in an army truck and succumbed to his injury on the way.

I wonder what he must have felt at his dying moments. It gives me a chill. It could have been me or my loved ones. This is horrifying. Today morning he woke up unaware that he was seeing his wife and son for the last time. His life was bought and sold for Rs 20. That was his worth. His pictures and videos are widely circulated...some even questioning his innocence!!

Humanity is lost. A life came to an end in a matter of seconds. We are turning into beasts!! Should we still sit back and stay silent unless we are the victim? Its too selfish not to feel anything and not to do anything.....my heart reach out to his family. May his soul rest in peace!! 

Easy way out

I hear of all these things happening back at home....today was a bandh. the economic blockade is still going strong with no hopes of termination in the near future. Its sad...may be beyond sad. I was listening to some contemporary music of today's youngsters showing their angst through music. I guess everybody wants a change. It may be that a greater number want to pack their bags and leave Manipur due to the prevailing situation. That is the easy way out. We are paid according to our abilities, we dont have to face the problems of bandhs, electricity and the sort of daily saga of violence which we face everyday.

The most disappointing part is that the people have somehow gotten used to the pathetic condition and have adjusted their lives accordingly. It is like the story of the frog in the well. We've forgotten to fight for our lives and even if we have fought, we've faced bitter defeat and the struggle goes on..... News of violence that adorn the newspapers everyday are mere topics of discussion on the breakfast table. A blast kills many lives; the next day the relatives stage a demonstration and after a few days nobody even remembers. What is the value of life?

There is no hope for Manipur at least in the near future. We have a generation of youth caught in bribery and corruption, ready to buy a mere graduate job for 12 lakhs. There are a lot of masses fighting against the system at their own level and I appreciate and admire their inspiration and courage. It is just too selfish to stay silent, complain about the system and get involved with our own lives. May be it is foolishness as some claim, may be it will be of no use outwardly, but I guess I am just doing my part and giving back what I owe coz this is all I can do at present.

Love's to blame....am simply loving this song!!

Time in Time I thought through it all
How we loved and loved 
and how we fought each other
pushing one another
to be somebody else

and time in time for the rest of my thoughts
I certain if the end was right or wrong
and whether we so should be together with somebody else

a lost memory 
she had water in her eyes
she cried stay with me
say how can this be loved 
if you are leaving me
but darling love's to blame

and i can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
can't be near you right now
'cause i know you're no longer mine
I can't see you 

it makes me ache that we had to break 
even though i knew your heart so well
we're strangers in different places 
thought we're livin mile apart

my best friends got my world as being soft 
we'll never share a name of her be promed 
but i will always remember the years we've spent in love

I still think of you
I pray that you were save 
I'm still missing you 
but it has to be this weakest 
I'm not right for you
and that's why love's to blame

and i can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
can't be near you right now
'cause i know you're no longer mine
I can't see you right know
'cause my heart just can't fake it 
can't be near you rigth now 
cause I know you're no longer mine

and I can't see you
oh i can't see you
I just can't see you right now

But maybe time will heal the hearts
and maybe after time you'll understand 
I take the darker side of me 

and i can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
can't be near you right now
'cause i know you're no longer mine
and I can't see you right know
'cause my heart just can't fake it 
can't be near you rigth now 
cause I know you're no longer mine

and i can't see you 
no, i can't see you 
i just can't see you rigth now

no i can't see you 
i just can't see you 
i just can't see you right know

and love's to blame

To be a better person

There are people in my life whom I admire to the highest degree....i value the qualities they have and I really wish i am half as good as them...it is what makes them stand out in the crowd..its their identity. It takes a lot of experience and outlook to be the person we are today....I see a successful woman walking equally with her male counterparts and admire her gracefulness and intelligence but I overlook the toil she had endured all these years to be the person she is today!!

Each day i wish I were a better person...better in each way.....more humble, loving, kind, gossip less, more forgiving, spiritual and a little more selfless.....I know im this selfish, arrogant, carefree and impulsive person but I wish I can change!! 

A New Beginning

Well, things just keeps brewing up in my head about what to write and I keep procrastinating....busy schedules,  academic priorities is the reason I give to myself but in reality its sheer laziness which I guess is getting chronic and I seriously need to work on it. Im hitting my silver jubilee of life with not so much as an achievement that I can be proud of. I've met some really good friends, fallen in love, got dumped, dumped someone, aspired to be a writer, went on a blind date, got drunk, tasted bitter defeat, laughed to tears, got a job and left it for greener pastures, went on a diet, cried myself to sleep, stayed alone for months and still aspiring to be a writer........the list goes on and I guess I am getting to know the wilder side of me more :P I know this isn't enough. I've a lot more coming up and I just have to give time to the things that matter the most to me. I wish I am more organised like some of my friends.......I screwed up many things in life for which there is no way back but atleast I have a hope that a better tomorrow awaits me and this is all that matters now. XOXO

Faces among the Crowd

Many a faces I see everyday

Not knowing where they're heading for

Many stories behind the faces

Never been asked and never been told

Caught in the daily struggles called "life"

With no time and love to spare

Eyes filled with sadness, guilt and dreams

Long is the journey still

 Love, friendship all along

The journey never hard to endure

Each stride for a better morrow

And dreams tucked away - oh so safe!!

Who pays heed behind it all?

Eyes ever so moist; A heart ever so fragile

Just a smile is all it takes

Or a loving word perhaps

Many a faces lost in the crowd

Many a story yet to be told!!