Random thoughts

Like a flower that has lost all scent
Like the rivers that have run dry
Like the barren soil awaiting the first dew
Here we have come to a stand still

A love that have lost all charm
Feelings faded and gone with time
The passion, the craze, the pain
All wiped and clean as a slate

Yet here we are standing
You and I looking like fools
Blaming and finding fault
With fake smile and a broken heart

Don't know what you feel baby
But guess its time for a deal
A love that has lost its beauty
And you and I making futile attempts

Yet I feel and u feel
The love once so strong and so true
Now lost and gone forever
Buried in the sands of time!!

A North-east girl’s plea

If ever God gives me another chance to be born again, I would, without a doubt choose to be born amidst the lush green hills of North-east India as a typical girl with small brown eyes, may be pale skin, short stature and long straight black hair just the way I am. I am neither a patriot nor a feminist but I feel lucky to be associated with this neglected part of the country and more proud to be of the fairer sex.

I love being a woman!!

In a country like ours where woman is being worshipped as well as sacrificed and abused, every woman or every girl-next-door have a similar story to tell. Her daily struggles, fulfilling her responsibilities of a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend – the roles are many. I do not consider myself a woman as yet but rather a woman in the making. With just 25 years of experience of novice feminism, I have not much of a story to tell. It has been 8 years since I left home to pursue my studies and career. I, like many who chose the same path as mine, chose to sacrifice the comforts of home, adjusted ourselves with limited monthly allowances, adapted with either different foods or culture in a completely different environment with little or no friends. As I pursue my dream of being this woman who will boldly and gracefully  rub shoulders with my male counterparts whilst putting forth my own inputs, I have many times wondered what it would be like to be in an egalitarian society but then for now it is just a futile dream.

I bet every girl has had experiences of eve-teasing – sometimes hilarious, sometimes provoking and many times serious. But for us, they have an added advantage because we belong to North east and of course have different features which are alien to our friends in the rest of the country. In smaller cities, we are asked if we are from China or Nepal….No bro! we are from Manipur. Oh Manipur!! Which country? That is the moment when I felt like answering “So u guys from Pakistan?” When they pass us, they say “Jackie Chan”. Should we reply "Santa Banta" to them? And to realise that these are educated chunks passing such comments. I guess if we all start calling each other names like “Chow mein” and “Momos” etc then there will be a good number of “Parathas”, “Lassis”, “Idlis”, Sambhar” or “Dhoklas”. What will we be then - "a name-calling nation"? Is this the sign of a developing society? It’s heartbreaking to realise that such embarrassing comments are passed by the educated youth even in the campus. 

May be this is another reason for the never ending debate of women empowerment, gender mainstreaming, equality of sexes, blah, blah and blah because somewhere deep down, the male species can’t help ogling their female counterparts and thus the struggle continues.

A New Day has come

I can't understand why there is so much hype on the onset of a New Year.....new year resolutions, things-to-do lists, celebrations and parties, getting drunk and the list goes on. Perhaps may be coz in a way everybody wants change secretly. Its like pressing "Refresh" and we imagine that our lives are gonna be brand new with the dawn of a new year. Of course, its a new year and we believe that we will be better in each way - less lazy, get up early, spend more time with family, drink less, be more charitable, spiritual...in short to be a better person little did we realise that its just wishful thinking. Its just a change in the date and everything else is the same. Such a gimmick over a mere change of date....does n't it occur everyday?


But then for all the times we had gone wrong we wish for a second chance and a brand new start and perhaps the beginning of a new year is just an opportunity to set things right and not to repeat the same mistakes. Perhaps it is the hope we nurture deep in our hearts that something good is awaiting us coz tomorrow is still a surprise for us, or its just that inspite of everything we still have something to look forward to.....and I guess this is the very essence of life. It doesn't matter in what way we spend the first day of the year - whether we were  under the warmth of a blanket like me or partying hard like some of my friends or spending time with family or just watching a movie with the one you love.....what really matters is if we are ready to barge in the new year with a reconciliation of our guilt and forgiveness of the mistakes caused and endured.


Atleast we are the fortunate ones who will witness the end of the world as had been talked about by many, if ever it will happen coz we have this gift call "life" in us. This is a reason to be happy and another reason to celebrate.


Happy NEW YEAR 2012..May the angel of love, happiness and peace be forever with you in the days to come.

Koffee and flipping through!!

A few years ago my favourite leisure activity used to be to huddle in a corner with a book in hand and a cup of coffee next to me. I used to love sipping my coffee, leaning on the wall, engrossed in my book. With the recent trend of social networking sites and easy access to Internet, readership of books has declined to the highest degree and I see the change in myself most precisely. I used to love the smell of hard bound books of library.....now I am amazed as to how I used to find pleasure amidst the sweet smell of old books. I feel humbled and small standing behind the tall racks and the overwhelming knowledge that surround me. Somewhere deep inside me I miss that part of me that craved for knowledge and the enthusiasm to learn more. I miss reading which has become a thing of the past due to sheer laziness. Those days when I used to have a book with me 24x7, when I used to spend sleepless nights trying to finish that book in hand, imagining the plot, falling in love with the characters and the way I used to identify myself with one of them  has all become a thing of the past.....I, for sure have changed with the passage of time.
                 They say reading increases your imagination...of course it does. And for those who aspire to be writers, reading is the means to an end. But then who has the time anyway. A simple search is all it takes instead of digging in the library, ultimately increasing the laziness quotient....one of the many drawbacks of the technological revolution. 
                 Somewhere down the lane, I dream of owning a library...I even have the designs of my library. May be this new year will make me rediscover this passion of mine...to collect books from different fields, purchase some more books, read some more and own those books which I have for so long wanted to buy!! Who knows years later I can be like "Robert Langdon" - the walking encyclopedia or may be, just may be there is a Rhett Butler waiting for me!! ;)


P.S. Mind the difference between reading and studying!!

Standing on my mess!!

I wonder when life got so complicated....it was so easy back then when all you have to worry is about ur homework and to comb ur hair the right way or to make that perfect knot in ur shoelace...those times are gone, gone forever never to return. I wish I can go back to my childhood when I can feel the innocence, the bliss of ignorance, the glee of the wind on my face, the unconditional love of parents, the fights between siblings, the slumber party with frens, the tiffins sharing at school, the beauty of simplicity and everything about it....

When did life became so complicated and decisions so difficult to make? When did I started hurting people and people getting hurt coz of me? How is it possible that u have to give up the thing u want the most just coz somebody else deserves it more? When did I started accepting defeat? When did I start giving up? How is it even possible to let someone walk all over u and not say a word? Is it possible to fall in love with two persons at the same time? How can we "let go" of someone who meant the world to you? When did my life started revolving around a single person? When did I stop caring and loving...or better still....when did I stopped being cared and being loved? Is this fair? Where do I trace myself?

May be its the age or experience or whatever they say but life sure has taught me profound lessons. I screwed up a lot of things and I know its my basic nature to not let things happen the way its meant to be...and just when things begin getting better....my instincts get the hold of me and I mess it up.....and a mess is all I have all the time........but atleast its better than not having anything at all.

"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all"............Lady Antebellum

Its an end.....its a new beginning!!

The last couple of weeks of the dying year, I see the retrospection of the year that was and honestly it has been a year of many ups and down....began the year with the feelings of dejection and worthlessness coz of academic failures but all turned out well later.

After several attempts to hang on, with a final attempt to do things my way, I finally learnt to "let go" and my life has changed ever since. The disappointments of my past keeps whispering in my ears and I am still taming my fears. Ventured for a fresh new start and failed miserably yet again.

Fell in love with the court all over again. Sweated away my pain and agony. I was given another opportunity to play and rediscover satisfaction in hitting hard and smashing!!

Felt good to realise that readership of my articles are growing. Appreciated the accolades from my loved ones and new frens. I found back the passion of my life yet again and tasted the refreshing happiness that came with it. Saw my name in paper in academic arena.....felt humbled!!

Wished happiness and luck as my frens enter a new phase of life. Its a miracle to witness two souls promising each other for a lifetime of love, friendship, joy and to stand by each other through sickness, pain and happiness until death do them apart.

Learnt that the world isnt a bad place to live when u're surrounded with frens who willingly stood for 6 hrs in a crowded train.....just to give company.

Realised that feeling guilty is a part of life. And most importantly, learnt to forgive and forget.

The last few days of the 1st year of the decade and I guess it was awesome for me coz given a chance again I' rather make the same mistakes and have a blend of good and bad memories rather than leading a perfect life!!

Manipur burning!!

I saw this grotesque picture of a bomb blast victim that happened yesterday at Imphal.  The first time I saw I was too stunned to react, words failed me. I saw some more pics and realised sharp tinge of tears in my eyes. What have we turned into? There he is, too shocked to react, the noise deafening him, not feeling any pain coz the pain was beyond anybody could endure, he must have felt death engulfing him slowing, darkness all around.

There he was lying,every drop of blood draining out and everybody was staring, no one offered to help, the police were interrogating trying to scrape out every bit of information till his dying moment. He waved at the people around as though calling for help. Nobody responded him. He was taken to the hospital in an army truck and succumbed to his injury on the way.

I wonder what he must have felt at his dying moments. It gives me a chill. It could have been me or my loved ones. This is horrifying. Today morning he woke up unaware that he was seeing his wife and son for the last time. His life was bought and sold for Rs 20. That was his worth. His pictures and videos are widely circulated...some even questioning his innocence!!

Humanity is lost. A life came to an end in a matter of seconds. We are turning into beasts!! Should we still sit back and stay silent unless we are the victim? Its too selfish not to feel anything and not to do anything.....my heart reach out to his family. May his soul rest in peace!!