Have you ever felt that sharp tinge in your eyes when you try to conceal your tears? Has it ever occurred to you that amidst the laughter and noisy chattering of your friends you suddenly feel an agonising pain in your heart and the next moment you find your friends asking you if you are all right and you nodded and just left the room? Has it ever transpired that as you walk numbly carrying the burden of your books and the workload and the apprehension to meet datelines, you are absorbed in such deep thoughts that you didn’t realise your best friend calling behind you half a metre away, then suddenly you realised that your eyes had been moist and its blurring your vision?
You lay awake in the middle of the night hoping sleep to engulf you and you stare at the ceiling and the fan and hope, against all hopes, to drift away to peaceful sleep but you can feel the seconds turning into minutes and then to hour and you could hear the birds chattering and the hustle and bustle of early joggers. Then you realise that you had wasted yet another night and you are swept with the feeling of guilt for precious moments lost.
In an attempt to forget our present it is common that we pretend as though everything is all right and we try our level best not to bring ourselves to this terrible realisation. But in the darkness of the nights, we are left with no choice and all our worries and exertions which we try to escape in broad daylight creeps slowly and mercilessly in our mind, making us feel worst than ever. Your mind becomes the battleground for conflicting thoughts and even if your eyes become heavy and crave for sleep, you are helpless and you are swept with reminiscence of the good times shared and the love that once were. Its a scary feeling, tossing and turning in bed, every inch of your body screaming for sleep and yet you lay awake knowing that it is gonna be a long long night.
*Written in some nights when I had trouble sleeping