My Maths woes!!

Source: Google

As unconvincing as it may sound, I have friends who claim that numbers are their first love. I have always wondered how that is even possible. May be they started their affair one mundane Monday morning when they were attempting a problem of trigonometry. I gulped when I first heard it.

I am uncertain of many things in life and I am still trying to figure out my likes and dislikes but one thing is for sure….Numbers and Valentina never get along well. It took me 3 months to remember my cell number and I wasn’t too interested to memorise it anyway. I try to avoid any sort of mathematical calculations in my daily activities….except for the simple ones.

As much as I try to escape from the ghosts of numbers haunting me, I am an easy prey as I am enrolled in a programme where it is compulsory to study “Statistics” and get “S” in the subject (S meaning Satisfactory). Now that’s a tough call for me. The first day I went for class, the seemingly dashing Professor even failed to make an impression. I was lost in the world of sigma, probability, skewness, standard deviations, regression co-efficient etc…it has been one hectic semester.  The worst is “Probability”….all the tossing coins, drawing cards, hitting targets sure makes my head spin round and round. Honestly, I’ve been studying probability since my high school with no idea whatsoever.

The best part of being a student is that we are so cool until the last moment and when the final call comes all hell breaks lose. We’re on fire. And I am no different. I had assured myself in the beginning of the semester that I will work hard as I had registered the dreaded Statistics but sheer apprehension got carried away once weekend arrived and there was the movies and shoppings and girls day out and dates and birthday parties and the list goes on.

I realised my predicament a week before the exam. So my friend and I started studying together hastily and my poor brain was exhausted with all the pressure and of course the fear of repeating the course was unthinkable. Tired, drained and terrified, I went for the exam. Ask a student how she feels in the exam hall. It’s a humbling experience. There were intelligent looking girls with long braids who write so rapidly as though they were burning a hole in the answer script. There were guys who sat there turning around smiling away dumbly, biting the end of their pens. And also there was me sitting there with the question paper in hand….expressionless.

I was having the most turbulent time…it was 40 degrees outside…my table was hot. I was sweating and the damn probability was getting messier. So I assured myself that I can sail this time as well took a deep breath and started out, searching every corner of my exhausted and overused brain for any remnants of all that I imposed last week. There was this part where I had to solve the problem using a formula. I began writing the formula when I got confused…r/n-1 ..wait was it… r/n+1? ..or may be n/r-1?…I got all so confused. Finally I settled for r/n+1 which of course turn out to be wrong. And damn, just a mere -ve sign ruined everything!!

You know the best moment in a student's life is when you hit a blind shot in the exam and the moment you come out of the hall, you check it hurriedly and turns out that it was right…wow…that’s bliss and you Hi-five your friend and she responds with no clue. However, it is the other way round in most cases where you sulk coz of all the silly mistakes and blame everybody else except ourselves for all the things that went wrong during the exam. This situation is best described by a joke which I came across recently…In class, they teach you how to cook rice and in exam they ask you how to make biryani…now is that fair?

Even if I will never be able to understand the real importance of regression co-efficient and hypothesis testing and all the trigonometry in my life, I admire those girls who are good in maths…its really cool and as always it’s a field dominated by males so its great to have a charismatic woman who explains patiently the need to test the level of significance or to differentiate between parametric and nonparametric tests. If only I have the ear for all this but there’s just a white flag from my end…so all those girls who have an affinity for numbers….hats off to you…I salute you!! Keep the flag high!! 

P.S. My final paper went off fairly well….fingers crossed!! :)

This is for you, Maammy!!

You are my world, You are my life

As a kid I've always felt that my Mom doesn't have enough time for me and this feeling persisted all throughout my teenage years. As I try to strike a chord of being a responsible adult, I sometimes wish I can talk to my Mom when I had a fight with my best friend or when my Professor cornered me in front of the entire class. There has been times when I call up my Mom with tears to tell her how much I miss her and she listened for a brief moment and said she'll call back as she was in a meeting. I cried even more.

My Mom belongs to the first generation of independent women....the so called "modern day women" who have a life beyond the four walls. Since childhood I've watched her switch from being a doting mother to being a workchoholic professional. They say being a mother is the best part of being a woman. I guess its a tough call juggling between work and family...and indeed she keeps all of us in our toes. Sometimes when the stress gets the better of her she doubts if she's doing a good job but nevertheless when I worry about her she merely says "It sometimes gets rough being ordinary parents of extra-ordinary kids". How cool is that?

Even if at times she sleeps away while I kept chatting about how interesting my day went, even if she forgets to call me back, even if I had to remind her of my birthday, its always a great feeling when she calls me when her superiors are not around and sheepishly drops at the very sight of him or when we gossip in the weekends....she about her colleagues...and me..may be about boyfriends!! These are the moments worth reliving over and over again.

Screw Freud, I love my MOM. :P

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY......Thank you for the miracle called life!! 

A Tribute to Loitam Richard

A week ago I never knew who Loitam Richard was. He was just a normal 19 years old kid aspiring to be an Architect enrolled in the Acharya NRV School of Architecture. He was a good football player and won many accolades during his school days and in college. He loved strumming the guitar and used to have crazy moments with his friends. He represents the entire youth of North East who left home to pursue their dreams sacrificing the comforts of home and adjusting to new cultures and food habits.

On the fateful night of 18th April, he was beaten to death following a quarrel with some of his hostel mates. The concerned authorities are still paying a deaf ears to all the hue and cry of Richard's family and friends claiming that Richard was a drug user and his death is accidental. They even mentioned of a minor accident which occurred 2 days prior to his death citing it as a possible cause of death. It is a shame that the college authority and the hostel warden are not able to come up with valid responses to the queries whilst the culprits still walks free oblivious to the massive anguish of hundreds of thousands of people.

Richard's death bears witness to the increasing rate of crimes due to discrimination against youth especially North East people. May be this is the sole reason that this incident touched the hearts of thousand of North East people and the facebook group created to seek justice for Richard went viral and crossed 1 lakh members within a week of its creation. It is as though every youth belonging to the geographically isolated North East could empathize with Richard and put themselves in his shoes coz they have faced discrimination is some way or the other. Of course, citing the sole reason for Richard's death as racial discrimination would be a one-sided affair as such incident is also common among Indian mainlanders as well. When a North East student becomes a victim of ragging, it is a case of discrimination but when a North Indian student becomes a victim of ragging it is just a case of ragging. So are we stereotyping the whole issue here?

I guess its better to fight for justice alone. With students and youths coming forth voluntarily in major cities for protests an candle light vigils, I am sure the repercussions will be heard by many ignorant people who still believe that all people with small eyes and flat nose are either from Nepal or China. Richard's death unified people from all sections of the society to fight for the sole purpose - JUSTICE FOR LOITAM RICHARD.

Back at home, Richard's parents waits for justice for his son, clad in white attire unable to reconcile the loss, tears running dry and lost in a trance. Without saying a final goodbye their son had left. One phone call was enough to bring their world to an end. Never will his Mom feel him in her bosom again nor will his Dad ever worry that he'll come home late. But inspite of the mass awakening that their son's death has caused, when justice sought has been given and acknowledged, when the massive uproar has dwindled down and when every one else live life in their own pace........they will be the only ones who will live with this cruel reality......that their son is never returning home.

Justice for Loitam Richard https://www.facebook.com/groups/410394948972870/

Attempted Love

Silence of past, whispers of present

A numb agony of eternity

Smiles and ripples of pain

Lost and found again

Wearing mask of a saint

Redemption is for you!!

Broken hearts, healed wounds

An ailing ecstasy

Gazing through yesterday

Picking broken pieces

Faint smile, open palm

Forgiveness is all mine!!

Fragrance and passion lingers

Time and pain passes

Cold waves of remorse

Caught in a vanity fair

Giving in and giving up

Lights dying out fast

And yet love still remains!!

Behind closed doors!!

I write this piece in strong retaliation against the uncensored media highlights of photos and videos driven by the recent raid of restaurants by some student bodies in Manipur. In a place like Manipur, where every Tom, Dick and Harry has a right to entertain law in their own hands it is not strange, even if my friends and I gaped during the entire video of 10 minutes which we watched at Youtube. It is utterly unreasonable to think that the raid was conducted by some groups which is otherwise oblivious to many. So, with due respect to the media every insignificant detail of the raid and  names, addresses and family members of the guilty party were publicly accentuated, little do they realize the potential dangers that lay ahead of the victim. 

Source: Google

In Manipur, it is a taboo to mention about restaurant in public places as the word implies "dark enclosed room meant to provide ambiance to members of both sexes to indulge in activity which is labelled obscene in broad daylight". Its the place where youths, married men and women and even high school kids hang out to curb their passion. Even if the culture of restaurant is at its worst best what is more worse is the mockery of the victims in the public eyes. Who are we to judge someone? Is there any person who has not not gone out of their way to fulfill their wild desires secretly? If the cause is noble enough why don't we ban the restaurants altogether? Who is checking the licensing of such hideous places or is it that every person next door can set up a restaurant in a secluded place to pave way for more victims? We need a reality check. 

I am sure every person has a story which one is not proud of. It will be a lie to say that we are all saints because even saints have guilty pasts. If the sole purpose of such activity is to save younger generations from choosing the wrong path  as they claim then is the indecent exposure of even their family members in media doing them any good? Student bodies whose members are beyond 30 years old sure is not a feather in the cap...is it something to be proud of? Of course, we have a plethora of organisations/groups each serving different objective and every one of them with Herculean claims of bringing about peace and development in Manipur and this case is no different. 

It is time we look beyond the mirage and pretend plays. It is time we realize that the future of a generation is at stake and we play our cards wisely. It is easy to find fault and blame but what is more difficult is to look past our impulsive judgement and empathize the emotional trauma of the victims. We can be better and more humane!!

Circle of Friends

I used to consider myself fiercely independent until I met my wonderful girlfriends whom I consider “friends of a lifetime”. How I met them is another story which I happen not to be in the right note to pen down. Making friends isn’t a difficult task for me. I feel uncomfortable enduring weird silences and enjoy breaking the universal code of silence among strangers. So unless the person sitting right across doesn’t turn out to be a serial killer, it is always a pleasure to smile and say “Hi” and watch them thaw.

I believe woman needs another woman to support and understand each other at every stage of their life. They say “Behind every successful man there is a woman behind” but so also is a woman behind every successful woman. We always need someone in our lives to be our mentor, to love and feel loved, to bitch, to cry on, to hear us out, to relate to and to understand us. Even though I am totally straight I have to admit that I love the company of these beautiful women in my life who’ve made my life even more beautiful….more than hunky nerds. :)

Super massive embrace!!

We have seen each other in worst circumstances and watched each other relinquish childish prerogatives. From stupid girls who fret over a bad hair day to the relentless worries for not scoring good grades, from the gruelling jealousy when a cute guy asked one of us out to the excitement over a new pair of jeans, we’ve blossomed to women who enjoy dreaming of a perfect wedding, doting husband and cute kids. It’s a girl’s thing after all. We had a major heart break when a nail broke and laughed crazy when someone in purple mask opened the door. We go crazy when we go window shopping and stayed up whole night to lend a shoulder to cry on when one had a break up. It seems like yesterday that we were in the threshold of adulthood undecided and equally confused of career and relationships. Even if at times I enjoy solitude and wish to stay alone being lonely is a feeling I’ve not felt in many years.

I wish every woman finds another woman with whom she can rediscover herself no matter how far life has taken her and ignite the girlish charms in her and to dream again. It is about reaching out to your girlfriends yet again and celebrating womanhood!!


*This is for u VDz...Love u all!! :)

HIM and HER

Hmm......so sat down to write a story....came out with all stupid ideas and held on to this one...realised how much more I need to work on :( 

She hated his guts and his arrogance. He had his own selfish ways of meeting his ends which she knew inside out. He was every bit of what she doesn’t want in a man. How can someone be so blunt about one’s feelings? He saw her twice and blurted out “I love you”. Is it even possible? Does he even know what “love” is? She politely refused but knew he would not give up easily. 

He first saw her on one of those nonchalant evenings when he was sitting idly with his friends talking, gossiping and enjoying their favourite sport “chick watch”. She walked past them without the slightest acknowledgement of him or his friends surpassing the macho image they flaunt and ignoring them in the most graceful way. She wasn’t the prettiest face he had ever seen. He was sure she was someone who will be oblivion after a couple of days. He wondered whatever happened to his charms to impress girls. He knew she would give lewd comments; talk rudely and dismiss him which was exactly what he wanted coz he found such woman amusing and loved the challenge. Never did he anticipated  that he was in for a tough call.

She paid no heed even when he appeared everywhere with his regular phone calls and messages. She wondered if he had nothing else better to do than to invade her privacy. She firmly told him not to call her again and assured that she was in no way interested. “Can we be friends?” he asked. “I don’t want to be. I have enough of friends whom I can’t even give time to” she replied sharply.

“You know you are a very proud girl” he said.

“Whatever, as if I care.”

He knew he should stop. He had bore enough of insult. She wasn’t even pretty enough but he liked the way she was all in the air. He dialed again and when she responded, he told “Look I don’t even know why I am calling you again. Consider yourself lucky coz I usually never do like this. I must be really liking you.” She laughed when she heard it. Gosh, how can anybody be so big-headed to say something like that? She asked “So, what do you want?” “I want you to be my girlfriend”? “You know you’re crazy!! What do you know about me?”

“I’ll know after you are my girlfriend. I like you”

She was so full of questions. It was impossible but she found herself drawn to him.  She didn’t want to take a chance though. As careful as she was in falling in love, as careless he was when it come to expressing his feelings.

He could feel the other side of her, the mysterious side beyond her pride and ego. Indeed this was the part of her that he found most appealing and attractive and worthy of the chase.

 (to be continued)