An evolving generation

Tonight I am writing about some issues I am concerned with, as a professional of Human Development and taking a break from the regular chantings of my personal dramas....

A major concern in the development of children in today's context is the ever increasing trend of video games, social networking, virtual friends and the resonating effect of media that affects these innocent minds in ways which we can never imagine. Gone are the days when kids get together in the afternoons to play those indigenous sports which was passed on to generations. As a kid, my favourite was playing with small pebbles which I later realised contributes to fine motor reflexes of the hands and better co-ordination of the eye and hand movement. Similarly, traditional games of sticks, hopping around in one leg by throwing a piece of slate, group games of thief and soldiers, chasing each other on piggy rides  has its own significance leading to the development of gross muscles, fine muscles and most importantly socialization of children of heterogeneous and homogeneous age-groups. Socialization process and interaction among children had an altogether different meaning a decade ago.

These traditional games and sports are a thing of the past as unprecedented changes have taken place in our society as a consequence of globalisation and technological revolution. Child rearing practices have changed eventually. The saying "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is one of the worst quote in today's context. In cities, nonavailability of space has led to fewer outdoor sports which serve as one of the most important causal factor for childhood obesity. All the more kids are confined in their homes with uncensored exposure to media and internet.  Video games and internet have substituted the traditional games. Thus, a child's cognitive development is enhanced through such activities and problem solving capacities is refined but an even greater aspect of the physical development remains uncertain. For the well-being of a child, all round development is important in terms of - physical, social, emotional, language, cognitive and motor development. At such, parents, teachers and care takers have the absolute role as they are the first environment a growing child interacts with.

Social change is an inevitable process. For a society to develop we need to sow the good seeds to the growing generation. Being a slave to change mindlessly is a not a choice we can risk. Understanding the changing needs of the child and empowering ourselves with the prerequisite knowledge of child development and catering to their needs is perhaps the best investment which we can make for ourselves, for our family and for the society. 

Come lets make the world a better place for our kids!! :)

Being FAT and FINE

Since my childhood, I've always had issues with my weight. I was one of the fattest girls in the class and was often the laughing stock of the class. Teenage years passed by with futile attempts to lose the extra kilos....apart from dieting I tried everything...exercising, dragging myself out of bed everyday for my morning walks, cycling everyday to school, paper cutting newspaper clips that mentioned anything about being slim, reducing weight blah, blah....but throughout school and college my reputation remained untarnished.

It seemed like everybody was amused on my being fat. Names like "Fatso", "Potato", "Pumpkin", "Drum", "Banana" and "Humpty-Dumpty" followed wherever I went.....but wait...Isn't Humpty-Dumpty the cute guy with the big head in comics? Why did they called me Humpty-Dumpty? My head is not big like his...I should have pointed out for them. I guess for them all round things implied fat.

No, No and yet another NO

Well, dieting has never been on my things-to-do list. I love eating and relish food. Seriously, the mentality of skinny girls exerting control on eating has always remained a mystery for me. They say its ANOREXIA NERVOSA...that's when they are actually thin and they think they are fat. I guess in my case it's the opposite, even if I am half a dozen kilo overweight I've always considered myself to be slim and pretty...may be this is also some psychological condition....I'll call it....VALEXIA TINOSA after my name.I am lucky coz my best frens follow the same principle and are real foodies. We love hanging out with guys who have the same opinion... who love eating. My fren once dumped a guy coz he told her that she's a voracious eater. May be he likes girls who are finicky eaters...certainly not our type. Inspite of the meagre monthly allowances, we always spare some to dine in our favourite restaurants and spice up our taste buds.

Of course, my heart pains when my favourite pair of jeans betray me or when that new dress threatens to tear away when I force myself in..not to mention the jealousy in my heart when I see young girls sporting that perfect figure and adorning themselves with the best designer dresses....but definitely these are not worth starving for and not torturing myself for sure. I rather eat lots and work out even more.

I read somewhere that a woman sheds those extra kilos somewhere in her early 20s...and I guess the miracle happened with me as well. Apart from the regular sessions of sweating which I immensely enjoy in the Badminton court there is nothing to which I can consider as a work-out regime. Perhaps this is the only reason why I lost that baby fat. May be another reason is that I love running in the evenings especially when I am stressed or hitting low....and when I am sad, I prefer sweating it away in the court.

So, if you're reading this and relating to yourself know that every girl has all the right in the world to feel beautiful and beauty is not judged by mere appearances and certainly not by how much she weighs. Its what lies inside her, her aura that she exhibits and her personality. And I know YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

As for me I am definitely FAT but I am FINE, thank you!! :)

Falling in and out of love

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

-         Alfred Lord Tennyson

My friends call me a hard core romantic. I have grown up falling in love with Mills & Boon, fantasizing the characters, assuring myself that someday someone will fall on his knees in front of me and say those four words which every girl hopes to hear one day. I always heave a deep sigh when I see couples heads over heels in love, holding hands, doing silly, crazy and cute things all in the name of love.

I’ve never really understood love. For a girl like me falling in love is not a Herculean task. All it takes is a glance, a smile, a nice gesture and that’s it and the next moment I’m all yours; as one of my ex-boyfriend described me as “easy to please”. I’ve never really understood it but I’ve always assumed it to be a compliment. May be it’s the reason I had many misadventures and I am still unable to distinguish between love, infatuation, crush, admiration, puppy love and all synonyms of love. To me in the beginning all appear the same; all have its share of craziness followed by expectations and disappointments and the cycle goes on.

I still remember the first guy I liked at school. It was an altogether one-sided affair and just coz he stood outside the class as a punishment for not doing homework, I gladly hid my homework just to give him company. That was in my 6^th grade. Also, I can’t describe the feeling I had when that new boy came in my class……class 8A. I still remember his soft hair and his deep brown eyes and his cute dimple. And if he said “Present Sir” during attendance, I’d follow suit and when he said “Yes Sir”, I’d say the same and giggle shyly. I had my first heartbreak when I realised that he liked another girl. She was the prettiest in my class and of course the dream of every boy in school. Perhaps that was the first time I learnt to “let go” not realising that it is meant to repeat years later in different circumstances. That was the time I realised that sometimes we need to give up things we really want because they were never meant to be ours.

Moving on with my love life, I had my first date during my high school. We used to steal quick glances without saying a word, used to come early just to spend more time looking at each other and shied away when our eyes met. Perhaps he could feel that I was on an affirmative note with him, or may be his friends persuaded him to ask me out; which of course I gladly agreed.  So we went to this first date of mine with a group of friends. I can’t remember much except that we faced each other in that café without much verbal contact sipping water, coffee, another coffee, and then water when coffee was over. I liked him inspite of the growing discomfort I felt – the way he tried to make me comfortable when he was also equally nervous. It was sweet. Even if love is so hard a word to define, I still claim him to be my first love – first love that drifted away with time, with distance and growing priorities; and since then falling in and out of love has been a regular affair.

I wonder how it’s even possible to say that love happens only once in a lifetime, it’s too sad. Or it may be that it is possible only in the movies. Sometimes I wish life is like the movies with a happy ever after, or atleast if we have a hint when it comes to making decisions.  I wish I am like the leading lady, no matter what mess she had got into; there is this cute guy who brings her flowers and lends her tissues every time Cupid failed her. 

Of course, with love comes all the heartbreak, pain, jealousy, rage, shame, guilt etc. Also, I saw love fade away with time and distance and realised that two perfect persons cannot be perfect for each other. For a girl who is on the verge of break-up, there is nothing more hateful than “You deserve someone better than him”, “Just let it go”, “May be you guys aren’t meant for each other” …..trust me it’s all crap. But then there’s an end to mark a new beginning. So the whole cycle of harmless flirting, falling in and out of love continues and just as you begin believing that time heals all wounds, you realise that time indeed wounds all heals.

Its just that no matter how much a person claims, everybody secretly loves the idea of being in love and it’s always a great feeling to know that somebody likes you – I guess this is the beauty of life or perhaps the only way the world functions. It doesn’t matter if the feeling lasted only for a few days, some months, years or lucky enough to last a lifetime. What really matters is that it was real atleast for a while. Its okay if we’ve messed up a few times, it’s okay if our feelings were never reciprocated, or even if he was stupid enough to walk out of our life. It is perfectly all right if your heart was broken a few times because we still have wonderful friends to hug us and lend us a shoulder to cry on or to get drunk, get high and make fun of us for the silly things said and done while in love and certainly to give that daily dose of moral booster which we so need when a relationship ends. Its okay if you’ve never understood love just the way I am because there are many more like us waiting for a second chance or a fresh new start and who still loves the idea of being in love and surely love will find a way, indifference will find an excuse.

After all it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Happy Valentine’s Week folks!! Cheers!! :)

Manipur – over a cup of coffee

We have this regular Chai ka dukan in our Campus where everybody loves hanging out. It’s the favourite spot of all the students in the entire campus. Regardless of the busy schedule, unavoidable datelines – we call it “deadlines” and the enormous pressure from our Professors we always sneak out to this little piece of heaven. The place is always filled with exciting crowds engaged in heated conversations discussing, debating and arguing the social, economical and related stuffs of the country. It’s a delight to listen to the regular chanting of familiar voices expressing their ideas with so full of passion.

           Also, we have a handful of Manipuris pursuing the so called higher studies. Sometimes in weekends, we all meet up for a much needed cup of coffee and ask our whereabouts. It is in such nonchalant meetings that we discuss about things happening back at home and how we feel when we hear incidents of bandhs and the daily saga of violence. We have passionate speakers, silent listeners who nod to everything that was said and also angry faces filled with rage and frustration because of the turmoil and unrest back at home. We all feel the need for a change, a need for a better Manipur, a better home.

Well, the point is not about our meetings and all the stupid things we discuss but the change in the mindset of the youths of Manipur. We have a generation of qualified and enthusiastic young minds ready to serve but with little hope of going back to our native land because of all the daily happenings back at home because our lives are dear and after struggling all this years, staying away from home and perspiring for our degree, nobody wants to die ‘coz of a stray bullet or maybe nobody wants to be kidnapped or murdered. It is understandable that we want a secure life and not wade in troubled waters and invade in dangerous territories even if we call it our motherland.

So much over a cup of coffee!!

Since my childhood, my loved ones use to make sure that I do my best in my studies. They say in Manipur you need to have power, good contacts and qualifications to get a good job. And of course, not to mention the enormous bucks for Chai-pani!!  We are caught in a vicious circle. They say a Graduate post costs 12 lakhs. My question is what is the point? When he is employed he’ll be doing the same…extracting money to recover the amount. Where is the truth? “A society not based on truth will not last for long” a famous personality had quoted. Who is to be blamed? The Government who takes the money or the public who gives the money? Something is seriously wrong.

We have a rich cultural heritage but to the outside states ours is merely a state filled with political crisis and bloodshed. Inspite of the social unrest, Manipur fares much better than many states in many demographic and social parameters. There is hope against all hopes and its not some make-believe situation, not overlooking the role of the youths. It is the moral obligation of every person. I remember one of my school teachers saying if u don’t sweep ur backyard who else will?

Well, such get-togethers always make each one of us so up-to-date with the latest happenings amongst us and back at home. It’s like pressing “Refresh” button. The only difference is that here its refreshing and reminding the problems back at home. Even if discussing Manipur over our cup of coffee always ends up with no solution and we return to our respective hostels so full of thoughts the question ever remains…how long….oh how long till we achieve the Manipur of our dreams…Maybe it will be worth the wait. And of course, so much can happen over a cup of coffee!! Wat d’ say?

Random thoughts

Like a flower that has lost all scent
Like the rivers that have run dry
Like the barren soil awaiting the first dew
Here we have come to a stand still

A love that have lost all charm
Feelings faded and gone with time
The passion, the craze, the pain
All wiped and clean as a slate

Yet here we are standing
You and I looking like fools
Blaming and finding fault
With fake smile and a broken heart

Don't know what you feel baby
But guess its time for a deal
A love that has lost its beauty
And you and I making futile attempts

Yet I feel and u feel
The love once so strong and so true
Now lost and gone forever
Buried in the sands of time!!

A North-east girl’s plea

If ever God gives me another chance to be born again, I would, without a doubt choose to be born amidst the lush green hills of North-east India as a typical girl with small brown eyes, may be pale skin, short stature and long straight black hair just the way I am. I am neither a patriot nor a feminist but I feel lucky to be associated with this neglected part of the country and more proud to be of the fairer sex.

I love being a woman!!

In a country like ours where woman is being worshipped as well as sacrificed and abused, every woman or every girl-next-door have a similar story to tell. Her daily struggles, fulfilling her responsibilities of a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend – the roles are many. I do not consider myself a woman as yet but rather a woman in the making. With just 25 years of experience of novice feminism, I have not much of a story to tell. It has been 8 years since I left home to pursue my studies and career. I, like many who chose the same path as mine, chose to sacrifice the comforts of home, adjusted ourselves with limited monthly allowances, adapted with either different foods or culture in a completely different environment with little or no friends. As I pursue my dream of being this woman who will boldly and gracefully  rub shoulders with my male counterparts whilst putting forth my own inputs, I have many times wondered what it would be like to be in an egalitarian society but then for now it is just a futile dream.

I bet every girl has had experiences of eve-teasing – sometimes hilarious, sometimes provoking and many times serious. But for us, they have an added advantage because we belong to North east and of course have different features which are alien to our friends in the rest of the country. In smaller cities, we are asked if we are from China or Nepal….No bro! we are from Manipur. Oh Manipur!! Which country? That is the moment when I felt like answering “So u guys from Pakistan?” When they pass us, they say “Jackie Chan”. Should we reply "Santa Banta" to them? And to realise that these are educated chunks passing such comments. I guess if we all start calling each other names like “Chow mein” and “Momos” etc then there will be a good number of “Parathas”, “Lassis”, “Idlis”, Sambhar” or “Dhoklas”. What will we be then - "a name-calling nation"? Is this the sign of a developing society? It’s heartbreaking to realise that such embarrassing comments are passed by the educated youth even in the campus. 

May be this is another reason for the never ending debate of women empowerment, gender mainstreaming, equality of sexes, blah, blah and blah because somewhere deep down, the male species can’t help ogling their female counterparts and thus the struggle continues.

A New Day has come

I can't understand why there is so much hype on the onset of a New Year.....new year resolutions, things-to-do lists, celebrations and parties, getting drunk and the list goes on. Perhaps may be coz in a way everybody wants change secretly. Its like pressing "Refresh" and we imagine that our lives are gonna be brand new with the dawn of a new year. Of course, its a new year and we believe that we will be better in each way - less lazy, get up early, spend more time with family, drink less, be more charitable, spiritual...in short to be a better person little did we realise that its just wishful thinking. Its just a change in the date and everything else is the same. Such a gimmick over a mere change of date....does n't it occur everyday?


But then for all the times we had gone wrong we wish for a second chance and a brand new start and perhaps the beginning of a new year is just an opportunity to set things right and not to repeat the same mistakes. Perhaps it is the hope we nurture deep in our hearts that something good is awaiting us coz tomorrow is still a surprise for us, or its just that inspite of everything we still have something to look forward to.....and I guess this is the very essence of life. It doesn't matter in what way we spend the first day of the year - whether we were  under the warmth of a blanket like me or partying hard like some of my friends or spending time with family or just watching a movie with the one you love.....what really matters is if we are ready to barge in the new year with a reconciliation of our guilt and forgiveness of the mistakes caused and endured.


Atleast we are the fortunate ones who will witness the end of the world as had been talked about by many, if ever it will happen coz we have this gift call "life" in us. This is a reason to be happy and another reason to celebrate.


Happy NEW YEAR 2012..May the angel of love, happiness and peace be forever with you in the days to come.