Admission blues and Chinese toppings!!

I have been called a lot of things by many people who love me and who hate me. Well I am not here to prove myself righteous coz I know there are many shades in my personality but among all the qualities I appreciate and wish to inculcate, I should say what I really really need is PATIENCE…lots and lots of it. I have like zero tolerance when it comes to waiting and I have suffered a great deal coz I just run out of this so called “patience” almost all the time. Be it waiting for my turn in my hostel mess, sneaking around my Supervisor’s office when she is having those long talks with her colleagues about God knows what, even the few seconds of Ad in Youtube before they show the video are just so hard to endure. May be I should take them as opportunities to work on my patience but I am telling you….I have been working it for so long without much result whatsoever. 

Every Semester there is Registration of every student of my university and you can imagine how everyone is in hurry and the long queues in every counter. And we have to pay for atleast 3 receipts for some stupid activities which we never participate not to mention that the amount we pay keeps increasing every year and the students pay without questioning even once as to where the money is going. Imagine struggling in a queue that moves at a snail’s pace at 40 degrees, sweat drenched, running around offices for signatures only to realize that there is a tea break and you have to wait another half an hour for one damned signature coz you cant do anything about it. Then there are Professors who torment you by asking about your progress in the last semester and cornering you as though you have done nothing except eat and sleep and gossip all this time. Somehow dragging myself along throughout the entire campus, I registered myself and legally became a student of the university….my patience tried many times, tired, frustrated, my anger beyond bounds.

I guess my friends were also feeling the same storm inside them as we were walking silently. Suddenly there was this group of about 5/6 men who saw us and they started whispering among themselves “Chinese” “Nepali” or something. They walked past us. I turned and shouted back “Bheiya, hum log Chinese nahi hain. Aap log kya samajte hein humko? Aap log kyun kuch nahi jante? Kaha se aaye ho? (Brother, we are not Chinese. What do you think of us? Why are you so ignorant? Where have you come from?) All my anger and frustrations took charge and I was spilling it over to them. Poor men, they just turned around, smiled shyly, whispered something to each other and walked away. And I should tell you I never felt so much better. I felt as though I won a fight and smiled triumphantly at my friends and we all laughed. Other days we might have just ignored it as it wasn’t the first time that they have called us names but not when my patience is tried.

I have read somewhere that you become impatient coz you are selfish enough NOT to realize that other people’s priorities are also important. And I so don’t want to be this person but sometimes it gets so difficult. Whatever it takes, I need to keep trying coz I know all I need to do is wait….soon enough everything is gonna be just perfect for me :) 

Beauty is the night

Looking past my window I see the ever so beautiful moon, the soft wind playing with my hair and occasionally I have to tuck a few of my stranded hair behind my ear and carry on with my thoughts as I pen it down. So majestic and serene, and I know the moment is perfect coz every bit of my body is soaked in the beauty of the moment. The stars seem to lay a blanket over the black sky. Does the stars feel jealous of the moon coz its the moon that every poet talks about, the moon that every lover grew to be fond of....the moon whose beauty have bedazzled the hearts of every artist. And yet, I am sure many of us are like the stars....somehow our lives are eclipsed by the ghastly presence of something more heavenly and utterly beautiful like the moon......but yet again, when the moon goes down, in moonless nights, it is the stars that lit up the sky in all its glory, the stars that guide the sailors, the stars that make the moonless night even more beautiful....no matter how long the wait is, there will be atleast a moonless night when our glory will be seen and appreciated....and we've gotta wait for that day...coz its so much worth it!!

As the moon spread its magical beams across the sky I wonder is it the same moon that bore witness when history unfolded....is it the same moon that saw Noah build the ark, the same moon when historic battles were fought, the same moon that saw the rise and fall of empires....coz for sure such peaceful nights reminds me of the many nights I spent with my long lost friends cracking silly jokes, the beautiful moon making me fall in love with the one whom I used to think was the love of my life...a love that faded with time...and yet I know it was perfect!!

Such is the loyalty of the moon. She keeps your secrets, offers you solace and heals your broken hearts and stands by you when you have an aching heart......and after all these years it still stands tall and pretty as ever....witnessing history and perhaps making mankind even more humane.

Source: Google

Back to normal

Ah....been so long since I updated my blog. So, I went home...stayed there for a few weeks and flew to Bangalore with friends to visit the ever so dreamy Coorg. And yes, it did felt like a dream. The cool breeze, the scenic beauty, the mild showers and yummy food and the long bus rides. It was perfect....even more than perfect coz when you visit new places with your closest friends the excitement is doubled. I just wish that we had a longer visit coz there were so much more to be explored.

There I was at home a few weeks ago savouring the home-cooked steamed foods with boiled vegetables, visiting friends and relatives, dressed in our traditional attires, attending weddings, going on long drives with friends, listening patiently to my Mom as she teach me life lessons...spending every bit of my vacation in the best way I could. Then I flew to Delhi for some family work.....Well, I wonder how people dont get roasted at Delhi? Its just too hot there...So when I finally reached Bangalore..the first thing I noticed apart from the grinning face that greeted me was the weather.....perfect!! And I knew, I was gonna have some wonderful days ahead of me. From North-East to North to South India, wasnt I just enjoying every bit of it? So vast, so different not even remotely close to each other in terms of looks, food, dresses, culture...every bit of it...yet bound together by a single thread...splendid!!

So here I am once again, wishing and hoping to submit my dessertation in time. I know I have some rough months ahead and I have to be at my Supervisor's mercy for some more time.....and may be when I feel low in days to come I can unlock the treasure trove of memories and it may just help me to survive the trying times that lay ahead of me...Well, good luck to me!! ;)

Somewhere at Coorg, Karnataka

Home is where the FAMILY is :)

I have become more like a guest at my home. Its been almost 10 years since I left home to continue my studies. And now, home is just a feeling....A feeling which sweeps me once in a year or may be if I am lucky enough I get it twice a year. I cant remember the last time when my whole family were under the same roof or dining together or making fun of each of other....its been such a long long time. For now, I just am happy that I get to pack my bags for going home again coz it is something which I have been missing for so long. I cant wait to see those beaming faces waiting for me.....the overwhelming love that makes me all so teary-eyed. And I know as much as I am excited to go home, it will be much more the pain when the time comes for me to depart. There, my Mom will stand concealing her tears, my Dad blinking away tears lest they would make me weak and I, pretending to be strong and I would excuse myself as though I forgot something important and cry my heart out in my room before saying "goodbye". Every year it has been the same. The same excitement before going home....counting every day and the same pain when the time comes for me to leave.

But for now, let me just relish this moment of excitement for in a day or two I get to feel the warm embrace of my Mom and the ever so protective aura of my Dad. They have been waiting for long, and it doesn't matter if it will not last long......coz....their daughter is finally coming HOME!! :)

Echoes from beyond

I saw him yet again

His whisky breath and swollen eyes

And he still had the bottle in his hand

They said it would make him numb

But for him it was twice the pain

There he sat at the same old place

He even offered her a drink

And she just watched silently

Slurry voice telling tales of failures

Of love lost and loneliness

Yet again, he shouted out loud

Dragging his feet Oh, so close

Keeping his head on the stone

And he apologized one more time

And again, promised to bring her flowers

The rustling leaves and cold stone woke him

And on the stone was written

“In God’s care. Alice”

Goodbye, my friend!!

Of all the goodbyes I ever said this sure is the hardest and the worst is that I have no other way to bid farewell to you. I am not sure if you will like this post of mine like you always used to do but I am putting in the best for you my friend. This is the least I can do for you. So many regrets, so many questions, so many unfulfilled promises and shattered dreams, so much of tears, pain and broken hearts and yet we can’t stop living. I still feel that you will show up with that infectious smile of yours and your voice ever so gentle. Did you wished for a second chance when you realized that it was all coming to a tragic end? I am sure you are in a much happier place now but the void you left in the hearts of your loved ones is truly irreplaceable. Never again will a mother hear the voice that lifts her soul, never again will a father be assured that his son will lend a shoulder to lean on, never again will a sister adore the beauty of life, and never again will a brother feel whole again. Even if the sun has set for you, your love continues to exist in the hearts of those who care for you. It all seems like a dream...so difficult to let it go so easily.

Isn't it  foolish to nurture all the jealousy, hatred and hurt when we are not even sure of our existence the next moment? We never know when a dear one will leave us today. Please take a moment to appreciate life and make someone happier even in the most insignificant manner…..coz you know, every act of kindness counts!! As always, what we really need is a little bit more love.

Stay blessed!!

 Rest in peace my friend......you are precious.

Rest in peace, sister

Source: Google

When it is a crime against women, its shameful that we have so reasons to blame the woman. If its not her dress that provoked the culprit, it certainly is because she ventured out alone and didn’t take enough care to protect her womanhood. May be she became a victim to atrocities because she was too naïve to really recognize the demon wearing the mask of a saint, or may be that her innocence gave way to her chastity, all the more excuse for the moral police to condemn her. The death of Ningombam Satyabhama is one such tragic incident…such an inhumane and gruesome act. It shudders to think what we have become!

They say she was killed by a man, who took advantage of her innocence and she silently became a victim of extortion of all sorts and the price she paid was her life. And to all of you who questioned her chastity, shame on you!! We have no right to judge her when we ourselves have savoured sexuality no matter how discreet or trivial it was. There she lies, her lifeless body bearing witness to brutality and speaking volumes of the pain she endured minutes before her death….how she must have pleaded for her life realizing that every second she is closer to death!! And they disposed of her body as though it was a carcass, half exposed and mutilated that became an eyesore for onlookers, and yet there were children and other minors watching it with so much curiosity. Such a ghastly picture imprinted in the young minds which I am sure will haunt their innocent for many years to come.

Souce: Google

It is just sad that the people of Manipur have no choice then to call for bandhs and strikes and damage public transport when we are faced with such situations thus crippling the already paralyzed system. But then, we have so few choices coz the authority seems to hear the plea of commoners only when the streets are empty and shops are shut. If not the concerned authority, there’s a host of organizations to bring justice to the many whose voices are not heard and to them the people still have hope and faith. We have no choice but to believe in this already failing legal system that justice will be delivered to the deceased and her family. It is just a matter of time. Even if the convict have gone into hiding or fled from Manipur, sooner or later he will have to face the consequences. Or maybe, just may be this is just another case which will quickly disappear just like it stormed in, when people got busy with their own lives!! 

I seriously hope not.

Rest in peace sister.